My View From Here

My traveling wind...

2011-02-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

Listening to Joel Osteen again- he told a story about grasshoppers who can only travel when they jump up and catch the wind. Well, sometimes God sends us that wind- if we don't catch it we can lose our chance to fly.

Ways that I know that God is working in my life and on this business (my wind):

- He guided my husband to the PERFECT spot for our business (even though I didn't want to go).

- He gave us wonderful and understanding people as landlords.

- He sent us someone to help with construction.

- He brought Majid and Wejdan here. I mean who would leave everything and come to live in Montana? Oh ya we did!

-He brought me the perfect partner for this business: experience with cooking, frugile, quick, funny and hardworking.

- He guided my husband to fly to California and drive back with 4 coolers, a bakery table, a sandwich prep table and supplies. He sent us someone who knows how to use a forklift!

- He has sent countless people to surround me with help and advice.

-He sent free counters.

- He sent me my loan- the loan officer said over 20 people applied for a start up loan in 2010 and I am only one of two who got it. Why???

-How else could a school teacher turn into a business owner- God knows my expectations are from Him- not me.

Sorry

2010-12-28T21:24:00.000-08:00

about not posting- my life has taken over! I want to testify that I have received blessing upon blessing. It's truly incredible and I am so thankful to God. We had a wonderful time in Mexico. Just beautiful and perfect timing. I needed to get away from the business consuming my thoughts and time. As far as the deli is going- I received my loan today. I am so relieved. In case you were wondering (I know you spend all night thinking about it) how many blessings I have received- things have fallen into place and i have received things for free- that I did not even ask for! Just when my doubts and worry take over I think about God's hand in all this and I feel stronger. It's not perfect wonderful fantasy world over here- its hard work and worry and stress but its amazing all the things that are happening. We are looking at a Feb. opening. I will keep you updated!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!

About Security...

2010-11-23T16:15:00.000-08:00

I heard this quote today and I really LOVE it:

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." Helen Keller

I really like this because I think I spent most of my life looking for that false security. Really there is none in this life. There is always going to be some problem some obstacle to overcome. How many times did I say "If I could just get through this". I tried to avoid danger and let fear make my decisions for me. Knowing that I can trust God makes it easier. There will always be something to overcome but knowing its in God's plan makes it easier to know that it will pass and will lead to something better. We can rest in Him no matter what our circumstances are.

How am I capable of starting my business?

2010-11-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

"You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety.

You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help." Job11:18-19

Recap of Adam's Birthday Party

2010-11-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

Well, even though I really wasn't feeling my best I think the adrenaline kept me going yesterday. The theme was pirate and I mentioned that my "real" pirate couldn't come and I found a lady to bring her miniature
horse. The day was beautiful- first time in 6 years that it was nice on his birthday! It all worked out great. Summer and I went all out and dressed up like pirates and Adam wore his pirate hat, patch, and sword. Ali even wore a skull shirt. We decorated the house with pirate theme stuff. I had to order a lot online because there is not much here to chose from. At one point we had 20 kids, between brothers and sisters staying. We played a game and the kids got to ride "peanut" the miniature pony. Summer and her friends did face painting and tattoos, we had a treasure hunt and pinata, pizza and cake. So much fun! I got these cute paper treasure boxes filled with pirate stuff and hid them around our yard for the kids to find. We had friends who stayed to help which was so nice. I think everyone had fun- I know I did! It was a bit crazy when everyone came inside to eat and open presents- we had some gum get stuck in the carpet (I got it out yesterday). I said that I wanted to have a big party for Adam at least once at our house- you gotto at least once! After all these years of doing big parties for Summer and her friends Adam finally got his turn. All the friends he invited came. We were all exhausted at the end of the day and today I have been sleeping and basically laying around. Summer made breakfast this morning for everyone and Ali is making dinner. So nice. Thanks God for blessing him with a wonderful day! I wanted to post some pics but I don't feel comfortable posting pictures of the all the kids.

Need....energy

2010-11-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to do today- cleaning, buying, getting ready for the party and I am not feeling well. It was a miracle I have not gotten sick up to this point- Adam has had a cold since last weekend and Ali has been coughing really since summer. He went to the doctor and they took xrays- they said they could not find anything. The doctor was stumped and told him maybe it was allergies. To what? Also, I usually get sick when I do a thorough cleaning- maybe from the dust. If I could just get enough energy for tomorrow I can lay around Sunday. OK here I go!

God Speaking to Me- mushy gooshey post ahead

2010-11-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

There are some things I wanted to talk about- but I hesitate because I don't want anyone to be turned off by my preaching- but then again how often do we think about God? We need to even if you don't agree with me or believe what I am saying. Even if you do not believe in God hearing my testimony may give you some insight into my life and how it was changed.

So, with that preface I am going to tell you what happened to me last Sat. I believe that God speaks to us many different ways, through events and situations, people he sends to us in our lives, most importantly through his word in the Bible.If you pay attention- you will see him at work everyday in your life. But literally- I heard God speak to me. This business I am working on has its ups and downs. I know through it all that He has a plan for me and I have learned to TRUST even when things don't make sense or are not going my way. It takes a lot of stress off of me to know that ultimately He is in control. I need to follow His will for me. Sometimes that's hard but it requires looking for the ways that He speaks to me in my life. There are times when I bust my butt working on something, knowing that God is motivating me and giving me the strength to accomplish what I need to do, and then there are times when no matter what I do, the outcome is completely in his hands. So I let it go. Usually that is a battle in my brain- goes something like this: I HAVE to get this done- no, it God's timeline not yours. But I NEED to know- no God will let you know when you need to. I can't be patient- you have to be patient because you are not in control of this! Well, I was working out last Sat. feeling quite yucky, out of shape and gross, a little down about a few things and then I heard Him speak to me. He said "Jenny you can shine". What? It didn't hit me until the class was over and I went into the bathroom when I thought about what He said. I could feel my eyes well up and burn. How perfect- I can shine! I can shine with His light within me. He didn't say "you are shining" or "you are a shiner" but I know can with his Grace. I need to change a few things in my life to get to my full shining potential- particularly my discipline about some things. But I am so thankful for those words.

This Sat. is Adam's 6th birthday "pirate" party at our house. 16 kids are coming, boys and girls, of all ages. I have been kinda down the last few days because we had scheduled a pirate to come and facepaint do balloons etc and they cancelled. It has been on my mind along with the 20 million other things I got going on. I prayed this morning to ease my mind. Well, what do you know- I checked my email and the "Seize the Deal" of the day was Horses for Hooplas! I called the lady and she is coming!! She is bringing a miniature horse with obstacle course for the kids to ride. I am soooo excited. Can't wait. Thank you God for these blessings!

Summer and Adam's Fort By Summer and Adam

2010-10-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to our fort!

This side is a secret window!

This is the inside.

Come on in!

Wait- you have to tell me the password first!

OK- the password is "pass"

Here is Summer's bed.

Bye Now!

My goals for today...

2010-10-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

Complete the Marketing section of my Business Plan
Start on the Financial (my last section- whew!!)
Fold and put away laundry - uh this is torture for me- hate hate laundry
Either go to the gym or walk with Asi for 1 hour

I am having trouble staying focused on completing my business plan. Just need to to remember how good it will feel when its done!

The past does not define us...it prepares us

2010-10-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

The thing that really sucks (or is really great) about mistakes is that you need to make them in order to learn and grow and become a better person. I have been thinking a lot lately about my past mistakes (far far past and recent), and the thing is I have no one else to blame except myself. I think that I tend to talk myself into how someone pressured me to do something our how my "circumstances" lead me to make a bad decision- but who ultimately made the decision? I don't want to beat myself up for things that I have done wrong- thats not productive or healthy- but admitting we were wrong to someone is freeing. I would not be where I am today- healthy, strong, confident in my faith, a loving mother, a good role model, and in Montana- without the journey (sometimes painful) to get here. In a way I am thankful for the pain and struggles that brought me to a better place. I am thankful to God for my journey closer to Him.

Talents and ramblings

2010-10-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

I think its so cool how God gave us each unique talents and abilities- there are so many things that I do not enjoy that I know others do. For example, my accountant told me she ENJOYED setting up spreadsheets- that would be pure hell for me. I am in awe of my teachers at the gym. They are so good and motivating at what they do. Do you think that these are God given talents or ones that we need to take the time to work on- with God as our guide? Someone asked me the other day how I became a chef? What???? I was taken back- I am not a chef! That is such a compliment that someone liked what I made so much they assumed that I was a chef. I hope that I am using all the gifts and talents that God has given me. Maybe its not a matter of using them at once- I was good teacher during that time in my life. I can use what I learned from teaching (how to deal with people, patience, flexibility, planning, creativity) with my business.

Have....to....vent....

2010-10-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

OK so this has been on my mind ALOT lately- my neighbors. So, at first it really bothered me that they kept their 2 dogs in a cage 24 hours a day. The dogs do not get petted, any attention, or taken out ALL day. In fact the three small children they have spend time taunting and poking them through the fence. They created a "larger" cage for the dogs ehich is about 10x10 with a "roof" (a piece of plastic). When I walk by everyday walking Asia they attack and bite each other (I don't know why they do that maybe frustration?). every morning the mom "cleans" the cage and takes each one out for a 1 minute walk around the yard and then back in the cage they go. They are not trained, jump all over her, and do not know how to walk on the leash. So my question is WHY DO YOU HAVE DOGS? NOT ONLY ONE BUT TWO OF THEM????????????? Really, what is the point???? I don't get it.

So then if that isn't bad enough they had a rabbit cage with a few rabbits in it. Once again the rabbits were NEVER taken out. Hopped one step and basically stayed in the same position all day. Again I ask the question WHY???? So when we pulled in today I noticed the rabbit cage dismantled on the side of their house. I mentioned it to my kids and they said "oh ya they let their rabbits go" WHAT? those rabbits will be dead in a matter of days. They cannot survive in the wild. So why didn't they just go to a pet store, cut the rabbits heads off, and hang them for dead? I don't get it.

More plant based!

2010-10-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

Looks like Weight Watchers is advocating a plant based diet!

"Research has shown that people whose diets are rich in plant-based foods—fruits, vegetables and whole-grain breads and cereals—have a lower incidence of most cancers."

http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=44291&sc=3017

Quick post- and quick sermon!

2010-10-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry its been a while but I've had a lot on my plate lately (in a good way). First, let me tell you I have been listening to Joel Osteen (pastor of lakewood church) and my thinking is slowly changing. I am changing how I function. I have this calm peaceful feeling overcoming me- I can't explain it. I think this is what it must feel like to take antidepressents- only this is a spiritual pill. I am trusting God's plan for me. One of the biggest things I get from Joel is not to settle for mediocraty in your life. God wants you to have the biggest blessing and most blessed life you can. What does it require? Faith in God's plan. Trusting Him. We all have those doubts- what we can and can't achieve. I mean people TELL us to our face (yes to me to- even by people that we care about) what we can and cannot do. What our limits, strengths, and weaknesses are- but can those people tell God what HIS limits are? It's not what you can or cannot do- its what God can fulfill in your life. Fullfilling your dreams requires taking a chance and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Putting yourself on the line- and in God's hands. Do you have a little dream seed? Waiting to sprout?

My dreams are seeming to becoming closer to me. Joel talks about "handfuls on purpose". It goes back to story of Ruth from the Bible- when she was collecting the leftover wheat from the fields- and the owner told his worker to leave her some "on purpose". Well, those handfuls are coming my way. Only by God's grace.

Dairy

2010-09-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry ya'll but I have to post this. Please be informed...

http://www.pcrm.org/health/veginfo/dairy.html

Little girls...

2010-09-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

I only have a good 5 or 6 more years with Summer to directly inflence her life. Until she hits 15 or 16 she will absolutely be depending on me for knowledge of the world around her(obviously I will still be influencing her after that but not like I do now). Am I supplying her with what she needs? We as parents spend a huge amount of time worrying about our kids and the influences around them. We can directly influence our kids in so many ways. Church being one of them. Now let me tell you how many time we have gone since VBS? Zero. We will start again next week. Some mornings it is all I can do to get dressed and go over there. But where else in the world can you bring your child to learn about good values, God, and surround them with others who hold those same values? Where I bring my kids is important (even if they do not want to go). And by the way- its good for me too :0)

TV- I mean my God what are children watching? Who thinks that Hannah Montana and Disney are innocent? Have you watched a Disney channel show lately? Kissing, boyfriends, girlfriends, and cheating are common themes. What happened to kids just being kids???? I cannot even watch a show without shielding my child's eyes from the commercials. I am canceling our cable- I know there will be wailing and knashing of the teeth- but this is another way I can directly influence my child.

My behavior- if my children see me volunteering my time, giving, and generally being a nice person- won't that affect their lives?

Who I surround myself with- do my friends have these same common values?

Talking to them, reading books that are appropriate- like a children's bible. I just ordered Summer the "Lily Series" its a Christian series of books about a little girl. I also ordered "Six Ways to Keep the Little In Your Girl" I will update you with the info I found.

Why have I been thinking about all this? My little girl wanted her first bra- yep we went bra shopping. Now granted she really does not NEED one but the point is she is THINKING about these things (we actually just got one that is more like a sports bra with a stretchy piece of fabric). That is totally scarey for me. But at least I know there are things I can do to stop her from growing up so fast! She still watches PBS, plays with Barbies, plays outside, likes to read ALOT. OK let me go shed a few tears now...

School

2010-09-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

So the kiddos started school last Tues and here is the update. Adam is LOVING it so far. He is so happy to be children his own age and he is in heaven with 3 recesses a day. He said that he has made friends but he doesn't know their names. Its so hard to let your kids go on their own knowing that someone could be mean to them. He is a pretty sensitive kid in that way and don't think its something he would come home and tell me about. Those things usually come out here and there out of nowhere. Summer is doing OK. I think it hit her the first day that this really starting all over. She was really excited to go but then was down that evening. She said everyone is staring at her and talking about her. I told her these kids have been staring at each other for 5 years so now they have someone new to stare at. and of course she is so pretty who wouldn't stare at her? But she takes it the wrong way- like she is a freak or something. She is becoming more self conscience of herself lately. I think that's part of getting closer to that preteen age. I don't think she is growing up too fast though- she still enjoys playing with Adam and watching PBS. Hopefully that won't change any time soon. I think once she gets comfortable there she will be fine. She gets nervous like me when she doesn't know what to expect. She needs that consistent routine in her life.

I am at home by myself right now at home and LOVING IT! I just need to schedule my day so that get everything done I need to do. I don't know what I will be doing - I was thinking of subbing until I figure out what is going on with this business. I keep on praying about it so I will keep you updated.

Plant life

2010-09-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

OK so I am trying a plant based diet for 30 days- if you want to follow my progress go to my other blog:

http://jensloveoffood.blogspot.com/

I will post more tomorrow about the first week of school!

Good night

Relaxation

2010-08-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hi guys- I took some time off from the markets last week and its been so nice to just chill with kids. We don't have to go anywhere or do anything- all camps and classes have ended and just another week away from school. We got to hang out with some friends Thurs and Friday which was really nice- especially being able to hang out with an adult! For some reason I have been "nesting" the past couple of days (no I am not pregnant thank you very much). Its like I am preparing for winter or something. I have reorganized the kids rooms, hung up more pictures, organized closets, and the best thing of all: I bought a new mattress cover made of memory foam! Whoo hoooo! Who knew that $130 could completely change my life! I love it- its like having a new mattress. Its so comfy and cozy. I also bought a new soft fleece blanket and some jersey sheets. I feel like a princess! So I was thinking about it- I have never bought myself new sheets. Never in the 11 years I have been married. My sheets were always gifts from someone or hand me downs from my mom. Why is that? Weird.

Since I've had all this time we went to the library and I actually checked out books for myself. I am reading The End of Overeating. I am about halfway through it and its very good. It basically explains through research how the restaurant and food industry is purposely selling us food that makes us fat, crave more and become addicted to it through a very scientific concoction of fat and sugar. Very good read. The next one is The China Study- recommended by a friend. It is about how the medical and food industry affect our culture and health.

We (yes I also actually sat down and watched the WHOLE thing) also rented The Frontier House. Summer and I have been wanting to watch this series so I checked at the library and they had it. It is about three families who left their lives to live as they did in the 1880s. We all LOVED this show- especially me and Summer. I think I can truly appreciate it more now that we live in Montana (that was where it was filmed). We actually saw where they trained for it in Virginia City- that's where a lady mentioned it to me. It makes you step back and think about all the things we truly don't need and can live without. Being here has made appreciate the simpler things ( I know -I know- sounds cheezy but its true). I do have to say I miss being near a mall for back to school shopping though!

I am working on losing some pounds I packed on from not exercising consistently since June and just basically eating whatever. You can track my progress or lack thereof on my other blog.

End of summer?

2010-08-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its the middle of August! This summer flew by but we did ALOT. From all the volunteering and camps in June, the markets and visitors in July. Its been amazing to spend our first summer here. Our extra time has been spent outdoors and exploring new areas. There are so many beautiful places to visit and so much to do. I am feeling a bit emotional realizing Adam will be in school soon. Its like my little bird leaving the nest. Its strange because I don't remember feeling this way about Summer starting at all. Maybe because I knew I still had another little one to go (in my mind there is no way I will be having any more kids) and also maybe because I know I am starting a new phase in my life. Maturity, getting older, and watching my kids grow? I am also feeling apprehensive about what is next for me. The markets will be done the middle of Sept and my kids will be back to school. I would like to still keep working on the business but in what capacity? I have been looking at spaces for a small deli but I haven't found anything that jumps out at me, I could also go the wholesale route or also just cater. I am waiting to see what God's plan is for me.

We just returned from a little trip to Redlodge, MT and Cody, WY. What a beautiful trip! We drove on the Beartooth Highway- hailed as the most beautiful stretch of highway in the country. I would have to agree but I haven't been on every highway :0) we reached elevations of 11,000 feet above sea level! It was surreal being that high up- literally inside clouds. It was like another planet.

There is something exciting about fall, the first day of school, new clothes and bookbags. I still get jitters thinking that I will be going back to my own classroom. Now I just have jitters for my own kids new adventures and experiences. Hopefully, I can make it special for them (mommy do you HAVE to pictures at school??)

The Weaver by anonymous

2010-08-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me
I cannot change the colors
He worketh steadily

Oftimes he weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget he sees the upper
and I the underside

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern he has planned

Some insight

2010-08-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

I have to admit I had a pretty sucky day yesterday. I was really lonely cooking all by myself and people and things were getting on my nerves. I was in a funk the past two weeks and in a negative mode. You know the one I am talking about- when you focus on NEGATIVE things, situations, and people. I can get consumed by it. Today I think part of that funk lifted and I took a good look around. I have so many people supporting me either physically or mentally with this new adventure. My husband is taking his two ONLY days off to help me, I have friends coming out of the woodwork to offer help, and my own family is very supportive. I heard something on the radio today: be better not bitter. Ya, I can sit and dwell on negatives and I think that's OK but then its time to move on and see what God has waiting.

It's August!

2010-08-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its August already although the kiddos don't start until Sept. 1 it means the summer is more than halfway over. Adam will be starting Kindergarten which is beyond exciting for him. I think he is also beyond ready. I am going to miss them this week- they are heading off to horseback riding camp all week which is all day. They are really pumped for it. I hope that its as good experience as they are expecting. I will be cooking all day tomorrow and Tues is the market. That gives me Wed. all to myself! What will I do with myself??? I haven't had 5 minutes to myself since I don't know when. Thinking about trading in my spa gift card Ali got me for christmas- maybe a massage? Dad and Beverly will be Thurs. and are staying for a few days then moving onto some places they will be visiting and then they'll be back the following week.

Wejdan (sister in law) and my mom left last Wed. so I had my first Sat. market on my own this past weekend. I was really nervous about it- don't know why- I know exactly what to do. Guess its just nervewracking knowing that everything falls on my shoulders. It went fine although it wasn't as much fun. Soooooooo cute how Summer wanted to help. She wanted to step in knowing that my help left. She woke up with me at 7:00 am and helped me set up. I told her I would pay her for helping and then she immediately wanted to go to Costco to get a lunch box she saw earlier. She is my little cheerleader- always believing in me and happy for me. I am so blessed with her.

I have a few new ideas for things I would like to sell this week to replace the WONDERFUL pies Wejdan made. I have an aversion to dough- I don't like it and it doesn't like me. So, I am making pita pizzas with spinach, feta, tomato, onion. Also thinking about doing one with hummus and tabouli salad on top. Hmmmmm we'll see.

I'll post some pics from our first fishing trip soon!

Market Updates and more...

2010-07-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

Busy times going on around here. We've been doing the Tues and Sat markets now since the beginning of June. The best one is the Tues night market- it has a great young vibe and people usually come hungry! We have a lot of repeat customers coming back now and a lot of people that I recognize which is super cool. So many people are excited about this food which is really motivating and pushing me to go on. I have been learning a lot from Wejdan and I feel like my cooking has improved, I have tweeked a lot of recipes and I am more comfortable in the kitchen. It is a TON of work though and it would be so much better if we didn't have to lug all the stuff back and forth to the kitchen and the markets. It's so fun to hear compliments about the food and EVERYONE has been asking when are we opening a restaurant? Its even to the point of annoying cause its like OK just enjoy this food for right now. I think we have said "we just are at the markets for right now" at least 1000 times but that's OK cause people are really interested in what we are doing. Well, I cannot answer that question right now. I am doing a lot of praying about what direction to go with this so I guess we'll all just see. All I can say is that I really enjoying this and it feels good just to work on something of your own.

My mom and Wejdan are leaving in less then 10 days and I will be ON MY OWN with all of this. Its overwhelming but I said I was going to do it whether she came or not so I am going to do it. My biggest concern is the kids- when I am cooking and hauling all this stuff. I will have to downsize some of the things I bring and cook. I am thinking of continuing on with some catering part time- I have a few places that I think could present some opportunities. I will have more time when the kiddos go back to school. Here are some pics of the market:

In Livingston Wed. night:

Getting ready Sat. morning at the fairgrounds:

Dolma!

Here are some thoughts while I was walking today- complete faith- complete faith is being able to put all your plans, hopes and dreams into God's hands. He created us- living complicated beings and the world around us- so can you trust him enough to take care of your worries and plans? "God will perfect that which concerns me"

It's Tues

2010-07-06T22:39:00.001-07:00

I couldn't think of a title for this post so "It's Tues"! Every night I look out the large windows in my family room before I go to bed and on most nights I can see all the stars. That was one of the biggest differences I noticed when I first moved here- how clear the stars are and how many more you can see. It is awesome- I was never interested in astrology in OH because its so hard to see the stars. The past few night I have seen the "W" constellation so clearly so I just looked it up and its called Cassiopeia. I should go get a night sky guide because I recognize so many stars but I don't know their names.

I think we have been getting into a routine with the market preparations. Wejdan has been making her "pies" spinach-feta, zataar, and sambosa which a filled with a veggie mix. I have been making the hummus, baba ganooj, couscous salad, and we have both been chopping parsley for the tabouli salad. Plus we just added baklava which sold out the first hour tonight. So here is the deal- I think she is leaving soon so its just gonna be me! I am a little scared but I know God will work it all out.

I was driving today and started to get tears in my eyes. I was going back to pick up my stuff from the market and as I pulled out of the park the orchestra was playing, some kids were riding bikes, the wind was blowing, the sun was shining, and in that moment I felt truly truly blessed. I don't know where this business is going- I want it to continue- but I do know I am already blessed. Thanks God

Market updates etc.

2010-06-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately I just really have not had time to post (or check facebook which might actually be a good thing). I hope I don't lose any readers because of it :( Anyway, we had girl scout camp last week and I volunteered for 2 full days and Adam got to go too- he had a blast! Last Wed. I was out in the rain and then hail trying to make "pigs in the blanket" which is basically a hot dog with a biscuit slapped on it. Well, let's just say they turned out to be just pigs- no blanket by the time they were rescued from the storm! This week is vacation bible school which I am also volunteering for- somehow I am the science leader (??????????) how did that happen? It's been going well but I am so shaky with science. The past few weeks have been humbling- starting a new direction in my life is filled with uncertainty and new learning experiences. Where as a veteran teacher I was experienced and ready for any situation I am starting all over now. There are many times I doubt myself and what I am doing but on the other hand it is VERY fun and exciting. and exhausting. The markets are going well- especially the Tues evening market. It is such a fun atmosphere- people are willing to try new foods and ready to eat. Sat market is less food oriented and people are thinking about breakfast because its in the morning. Less people willing to try something new. But we actually did pretty well there too considering all those things. I will TRY to post some pics if I can find a moment!

Dreams

2010-06-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

I have a new dream now that I am driven too. Sometimes I think what if this is all for nothing? But then I stuff that thought down and focus on what I need to do. It can be lonely when you have a dream and no one else understands what you want to do or is as excited and motivated like the way you are. Challenges are only there to make you become stronger. Do not give up on your dreams! I truly believe that those dreams are seeds that God planted to see what you will do with it, how bad you want it and how hard you are willing to work for it. What if everyone gave up at every moment of adversity? If I really didn't want to pursue this dream I could name a million reasons why NOT to do this as I am sure that every person walking on this earth could think of just as many reasons to give up on their own dream (time, money, effort, energy, risk, etc) but I really want to try. So even if I end up doing this on my own I can say I TRIED I put in the full effort even if no one else cares.

Dreams
by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."
T.E. Lawrence

Keepin on....

2010-06-11T19:36:00.000-07:00

Trying to move forward. I hate to post when I am feeling discouraged but that is all a part of trying something new. Challenges and obstacles are all a part of the journey. Things are going well overall- Wejdan (sister in law) is here helping me. She has been here for two weeks and helping me soooooo much. She is an incredible worker- so fast and efficient. I really need the help with all the cooking and hauling and selling. But, I know she is not going to stay forever so I have to get in my mind that I will need to do this myself at some point. Our menu right now is: hummus, tabouli (parsley salad), baba ganouj (eggplant dip), couscous salad, falafel, stuffed grape leaves, spinach pies, pita bread, and pita chips. Things have been selling and some things are sold out. I am feeling kindof bummed right now because I feel the momentum slowing a bit. I just got the bill today from the kitchen and it is not all what we talked about. Future reference: get EVERYTHING in writing. Bummed. I know we will get it straightened out or I will have to find another kitchen. Gotto keep moving.

I am so blessed with this opportunity that God has given me. I have to remember that it is not what I can or cannot do but my expectation is from HIM. I doubt myself all the time but then I just remember that.

We stayed in Yellowstone last weekend with Summer's girl scout troop- that experience was awesome to say the least. We were staying right smack in park with bison wandering nearby. It was so beautiful. I will post pictures soon. I think Wejdan enjoyed it too. This are all new experiences for us. This week is girl scout camp for Summer and I am volunteering three days. The week after that is Vacation Bible School all week and I am the science leader for the older kids. So June will be quite busy. Hopefully I will have some good news to update you with. God bless.

Chickpea is born (awww what a cute baby)

2010-05-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Well, my life is about to get crazier but in a good way this time (by my own choice). Our first market day is Tues. I can't believe its here! It seemed soooooooo far away! My sister in law Wejdan is here- I can't believe that she is really here either! I am so happy she is here to help me- now I actually have someone to talk to and make decisions with. It makes my life so much better having someone to work with. Just in case you missed it- I have started my own business- its called (dah dah dah) Chickpea Cafe and we will be preparing and packaging mediterranean food at the market on Sat and Tuesdays thru Sept. Well, I doubt if she will stay that long (her hubby is still in OH) but we'll see- at least I am planning to sell thru Sept. So here is the GRAND OPENING of my logo. YOU ALL ARE SO SPECIAL because you are the first ones to see it. I designed it myself and gave it to someone to create a PDF file that I can use in my publications. Are you ready?

Isn't it cute and beautiful and great and the most wonderful logo you have ever seen? Anyway I am apologizing ahead of time for not posting as often but I just want to keep everyone up to date on what is going on here. It's such an exciting time in my life- God has truly blessed me and my family with hope and love! I know that He is guiding me every step of the way. Here is what today's devotional was:

"We attempt to think of that which we fancy He will forget; we labour to take upon ourselves our weary burden, as if He were unable or unwilling to take it for us. Now this disobedience to His plain precept, this unbelief in His Word, this presumption in intruding upon His province, is all sinful. Yet more than this, anxious care often leads to acts of sin. He who cannot calmly leave his affairs in God's hand, but will carry his own burden, is very likely to be tempted to use wrong means to help himself. This sin leads to a forsaking of God as our counsellor, and resorting instead to human wisdom."

What that means to me is such freedom! I don't have to take on the worries of the world or be weary with my own. This is God's job to work out things in my life for the best. What a good feeling!

Get ready for the weekend!

2010-05-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

We are going to Spokane tomorrow (its a six hour drive). I will tell you about it when we get back. I lost three pounds (that is slow torture) so hopefully I won't mess it up too much this weekend.

Love,

Jen

Faith in God is like Legos?

2010-05-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

OK so I was sitting here this evening spending about 2 hours putting together a lego set that Adam's daddy bought him today (he came home today-yay!). As I was putting it together I was thinking about why it is so relaxing to me to help Adam construct these sets. All the pieces serve a purpose and each piece has an exact place to fit. There is something reassuring about that. All you have to do is follow the directions and you know- that if you follow the directions carefully and the right way it will all come together to make something really cool. Well, isn't that how our faith should be? That we trust God, he has the plan, we just need to follow his word and guidance in our lives. If we can do that- trust that his plan will create something great in our lives- shouldn't we rest easy? Deep thoughts huh?

Whining and reflection

2010-05-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have been so weepy, serious, and reflective the past few days. I think it because my husband is in another country and we all miss him so much. The first week was OK but this week has been really hard. We just miss him. We have been jumping on each other for the smallest things and the kids have been fighting constantly. I think its just an imbalance not having him here. But he will return tomorrow and things hopefully will go back to "normal" whatever that is. But that also depends on how he is doing- I think he had a REALLY rough time but I knew it would be really hard for him. I just don't think he realized how hard.

I forced myself to get the kids going and go to church this morning. I couldn't bear sitting around here another day with nothing to do but the twenty million chores that will never get done while the weather is nice. It was OK- they fought because Summer refuses to go to the kids class and sits with me and Adam's class ends right in the middle of service (I know its weird) so he has to come and sit with us for the last half hour. Well they got to bickering and I was VERY irritated. Let's just say my patience is running VERY low. God bless the single parents. I feel like I have been correcting and breaking up fights the whole weekend. Oh well, time to move on. I also forced myself to go to a dinner at the church with the kiddos this evening for the Vacation Bible School kickoff. I really REALLY did not want to go for many reasons- one my brain and energy level is dead, two I really did not feel like socializing, three I hate walking into a room (especially a dinner) not knowing barely anyone and sitting down and eating with strangers, four my kids really did not want to go. BUT we went. It was OK and the people that I will be working with were very nice. But let me tell you what happened when we left. So it was 8:00 and we were pooped getting ready to walk out when we heard this beautiful unbelievable voice singing opera. I was drawn to it. We went into the sanctuary and a lady was practicing her opera singing. We sat down and listened. The three of us were the only ones there listening. It was so beautiful I started to cry- I mean not like blubbering crying but tears in my eyes crying. Once again I embarrassed my daughter with my uncontrollable emotion. SOMETHING moved me. I don't know if it was the emotion she sang with or it was just that moment but I truly appreciated that moment. We didn't stay long- only a few minutes because Adam was beyond tired but it was beautiful. Marwa always reminds me- to stay in the moment because it will pass! I know one day I will look and my little boy will be a young man and the last thing he will want is for me to read his favorite fairy tale. I know because I now have a young lady on my hands- a beautiful, smart, reflective, empathetic young lady. OK the tears are coming back again-I am just a weepy mess! time for me to go get something done.

Adam's thoughts...

2010-05-10T21:18:00.001-07:00

When my dad sent Adam a train comforter set a few weeks ago his favorite part was the little throw pillow that came with it. Conversation at "tuck in" time tonight:

Adam: Mommy what size shirt and pants do I wear?

Me: Size 6- why?

Adam: This pillow is the perfect size 6 for me!

It's official!

2010-05-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I am a resident of Montana. This week I went to get my Montana Driver's license and today I got my plates (which I think are ugly). I see everyone driving around with all these cute plates with Montana scenes (mountains, fish, horses etc) and when I went there she handed me these institutional looking plain blue and white plates. She proceeded to tell me that the cute ones were another 50 dollars! Say what?? Hecky no. Well, I came to find out that the plain one I have are the brand new ones that are "retro" from the 70's. Whatever.

I am losing my battle with the 5 pounds I gained plus the 10 I wanted to lose before I gained the 5- in fact on my "plan" I gained another few! So I took action and I am back on the weight watchers online plan- which forces me to keep track of what I eat. The online plan is cheaper but I don't go to any meetings. I like this plan cause its nothing crazy and I can "save" to eat something I really want. Everytime I do this plan I am shocked to see how many "points" I am really eating. I am supposed to be staying around 23 plus I get weekly points I can borrow. Wow- I was probably eating well over 30. I have lost a few pounds already and I am surely NOT hungry at all. Just trying to push past my night time cravings which hasn't been too much of a problem this week because I have been exhausted every evening. I also joined Jazzercize which I LOVE. It's perfect for me- I pay ONE dollar for Adam as opposed to SIX at the gym and I get a great workout in an hour and I leave. I though it was funny- weight watchers and jazzercize are so "80s" but I really think they both work- which is probably why they have been around so long. I am working on my food blog and when its ready I will let you know. Not sure I'll have time to do both but we'll see. SOME PEOPLE (ahem) say they don't want to hear about my food struggles so I thought I would do a food blog/journal just for that.

Update about Ali (Hamed): he is doing fine but really misses us and home ALOT. His dad is scheduled to have surgery on my birthday. So please keep them both in your prayers.

I opened my business account for Chickpea Cafe today!!! I have my own business account- oooohhh. Now I just need some money to fill it :O)

Happy Birthday

2010-05-06T15:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my sissy! I love U!

A big trip

2010-05-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

No one knows the plans God has for us- what he has in store. We don't have to know- I wouldn't want all that responsibility. Hamed (Ali) left for Iraq today to go see his Dad. Did I want him to go? Absolutely not, but I knew that he had something in his heart to go. It wasn't an easy decision- he agonized over it. He didn't want to leave us or his job. His dad is not doing too well so if he didn't go now he wouldn't be able to go in June when the season on the ranch started. There are sooooo many incredible people here- including his bosses. They both gave their consent for him to go and told him not to worry- just to go! I told him that we would be fine- that we have people that I can call now if I need anything. But its still hard. We really miss him. I know its going to be hard on him- to go across the world to sit in a hospital in Baghdad. Oh it sucks! Please pray for his strength and for his dad- he is in pain.

Here's what's going on here: I am still slowing unpacking everything and I still need to go back to the condo to get the rest of the stuff and clean. I joined Jazzercize- I am bound and determined to lose the 5 pounds I gained. It's nice because I can bring Adam for a dollar- although he is not crazy about it.I have been eating mostly vegetarian the last few weeks. I came to the realization that I don't really like meat! It just makes sense to me- I hated it when I was little. Noway am I saying I will never eat meat but I am doing fine without it. It might sound cliche but since I have been here I have had more of an appreciation for animals. We went to a dairy farm the other day and we were admiring all the baby animals. The piglets were a day old- their eyes weren't even open! I asked the guy what would happen to them and he said his son has an organic pork company. Sniff- poor little piglets. Just kidding but it has made me think about what I am shoving in my mouth. I am still moving forward with my business- I am working with someone on my logo and I am going to the commercial kitchen this week to talk to the lady over there about some details. My sister in law, Wejdan, is coming the end of the month to help me! Yay, I am sooooo excited to have someone here to help and be just as excited about Chickpea Cafe as I am. The cooking is going well- I think I am getting better. Although I have not perfected the grape leaves- but I am waiting for her to come and help and teach me. My mom is coming in July and my dad is coming in August. It will be nice to have family around.

Our weekend

2010-04-25T11:39:00.001-07:00

We finally made it to Yellowstone National Park. I have always wanted to go there and even more since we moved here. They had a week of no entrance fees and Hamed had the day off yesterday so it was a perfect day to go. I thought a good day trip would be to drive to the Mammoth Hot Springs and then to the Boiling River which are pretty close by. It took us about 2 hours to get there and the views were amazing! I was getting mad because the signs kept saying "don't feed the animals, don't touch the animals, don't go more then 100 feet from the animals" blah, blah, blah but I was like where are the animals? Then we saw wolves! We also saw elk, wild sheep, deer and many different birds. The boiling river is a spot where the hot water from the mountain springs (scalding hot) joins the cold river water. Well, we weren't very prepared because you really need water shoes- its very rocky and the water was high and the current was strong but we went in and it was an experience I will not soon forget. Here are some photos:

Hi Again

2010-04-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long interruption of posts but we finally moved and just got the Internet today! I'll have you know that I am currently scrunched up in a corner in a an uncomfortable position at 12:30 am because I could not find my wireless thingy- I am connected to the wall and cannot move. All to bring you updates! I have to tell you that we have a WONDERFUL weekend this past one. Between the kids having friends over we got away to a nice resort called Fairmount Hot Springs. We would have spent the night but we had to return for Asia. Poor thing was alone for 9 hours. Anyway the weather was perfect and the 2 hour drive was gorgeous. The kids really enjoyed it too. This was more family friendly and bigger than Chico Hot Springs. For those of you not in Montana Hot Springs are quite popular here. It's wonderful cause you can swim all year round.

We needed the break big time between the move and the stress of Ali (Hamed's) dad being sick- he wasn't sure if he needed to go to Iraq and we are so worried about him. It is so hard because all we can do is pray. His dad ended up going to a doctor in Baghdad and had surgery. Please send prayers along if you haven't already.

I am still unpacking and organizing (not my thing) and I will post pictures of the house but for right now my camera is busted. Here is what I like about the house: we are a little farther out from town and the night sky is unbelievable! I wish I knew what all the stars were- they are so bright and so clear. It is really quiet here and definitely more space. I was worried about moving away from that beautiful park we were so close to but there is a trail here that I have been walking on and I have really enjoyed my walks every evening with Asia. I like being back in a ranch again- everything is so easy to clean and get to. I like that the kids rooms are on one side of the house and ours is on the other. What I don't like: adding another 10 mins to drive anywhere and the stainless steel appliances- who thought of that?

I have a lot of other things to talk about but for now I am going to try to catch some sleep. Goodnight

Pictures from our trip!

2010-04-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ramblings

2010-04-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

I was going to spend this post talking about how Joel has changed my way of thinking (he has) but I really just feel like venting right now. We are in the process of moving which, as I mentioned before. is the first time in my life doing this on my own. The idea in thought actually isn't that bad. Just pack and drive 6 minutes down the street. But in reality it involves (for some reason) having piles and piles of clothes and misc piles of crap laying everywhere. It also involves just having stuff sitting around on the table and counters until I can find time or figure out how I want to transport it. So basically we are living in piles of messes right now. The reality also means that I have a little boy who is already bored out of his mind (and must I say a mom who already is feeling extremely guilty about not intellectually stimulating him enough) being bored even further and even more feeling of guilt as I try to "pack" (I use that term lightly as this really is not packing more like shoving what I can into garbage bags and then into my car driving over to the house and throwing it into the garage). I look at him everyday and feel like he needs more- more than what I am able to provide. Hopefully he will not be intellectually damaged his whole life because of his one year spent with me. I think about what Summer was doing at his age- engaged in fun and educational activities with other children at a nationally accredited preschool. But on the other hand I did not see her for 9 hours a day. Why is life so full of extremes? Sigh... oh well to get back to my chaos. Everyone keeps asking me do you have a moving day? Well, no my original plan was to little by little bring things over because our lease for the condo is not up until Aug. anyway. All that was changed when Ali realized that he would have to do all the moving himself and that the two guys that could help him will be leaving for the off season on the ranch. So Sunday comes along and we are shoving stuff into my cousins truck because him and his friend were there to help. Plans were made for a truck to come Thurs because Ali had access to one and the guys would be here. So here I am trying to get everything shoved over to the new house.

I have been stress eating since I came back from our trip. Stress eating for me is eating a whole nother meal at night and just basically eating stuff I don't normally eat in amounts I would not normally think of putting in my mouth. It's funny how when we came back I missed everyone more then before I came. I am doing fine and I am really happy here but its a whole new way of living for me. I think it's just being able to function day to day on my own without support. I think I have realized since I have been here how much I had mentally depended on others. I was out walking this evening and I was thinking about how the last 10 years I have not had to make any friends or seek out any social situations. I had my small group of friends I have known for years and my family. There is comfort in that- but there is also stagnancy. Here I am out here on my own making a way for us. I know in my heart that God has put people in my life that I need. I picture myself like that little bird getting ready to fly and the mamma bird pushing her out of the nest. That little bird has no idea what she can do and the potential she holds in her wings and is scared but she has to trust. Yep that's me a little bird. So that leads me back to the stress eating. I know I am doing it but its like something takes over. So here I am 5 pounds later feeling very uncomfortable. I am also breaking out like crazy. So as you can tell I am feeling quite pretty and confident. I know I will lose it cause I can't live like that but that's not the point- the point is why do I keep doing this over and over again?

Well, anyway in other news Summer is getting glasses. I think I need to be the recipient of the bad mom of the year award because the nurse called me in like November for a heads up from the eye exam at school and I dragged my feet on it. To be truthful I did not take it seriously so finally her and Ali went to the doctor last Fri and they BOTH need glasses. She really needed them bad I guess. Adam is back in preschool one day a week for 4 hours. Its really cool- its gymnastics, swimming and preschool and I get three hours to myself because I volunteer that day at Summer's school. Hockey season is over and now he is waiting for T ball in May. He LOVES any sport. Obviously did not get that gene from me.

Thanks for listening to me vent!

I'm Back!

2010-03-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

OK so to be truthful I haven't had any urges to write lately and things have been crazy since we got back last Monday. One thing I have learned about myself or maybe has gotten worse since I am getting older is my trouble dealing with more then one thing at a time. We did put an offer on a house that was accepted and we are supposed to close tomorrow. I am happy and feel so blessed with this house but it is an odd feeling not celebrating it and sharing it with my close friends and family. OK so maybe it makes me feel even more lonely when we are making a move knowing that this is the FIRST time ever that we will move by ourselves. We have ALWAYS had friends and family around to help either with the actual move or with the kids. All I can say is it is an ODD feeling. I am an admitted procrastinator big time (my family can attest to that) so we will be taking this move little by little. Soooo, that's been on the plate (signing papers, sending document ion, etc) mixed in with recovering from a wonderful whirlwind trip to OH and NC (on 6 planes in 10 days). Still doing laundry from that one- actually I just finished unpacking today. Also on the plate has been my business, Chickpea Cafe, LLC (ooooooohhhh it actually has an official name :)) but that has been put on the back burner (no pun intended) because as I mentioned my brain can only deal with ONE thing at a time. Here's what's next for the business: obtaining liability insurance, creating a logo, packaging and labels, taste-testing (if you are here in Bozeman let me know if you would like to participate in that) and just continuing to practice recipes which has been close to impossible lately- so hard with trying to keep Adam busy. Oh and let's not forget finishing up the cookie sales! Wow, I never felt so relieved to turn in all that money.

I have to say I have felt lonelier since we have been back. Maybe I forgot how nice it is to have people around that I am still not "getting to know". People who know me and my history friends and family. Not to say that I am complaining because God has sent us some really nice people here to be in our lives, but it definitely feels different coming back. I question my effort in developing relationships with people here all the time. I think I have made friends but am I really putting the effort into fostering and developing those friendships? Probably not- mostly because I have so much going on including keeping my family happy. Oh well- yes I am FAR from where I would like to be but I think I am doing OK.

Next blog: how my thinking has changed thanks to Joel!

Taking a break

2010-03-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

Just wanted to thank everyone for your love and support. I can truly feel and hear it all whether its your comments on my blog, in our conversations or emails. It's so cool to know people are listening- even ones I have never met. I am just trying to be real to who I am- not worrying about how stupid I may sound (believe me sometimes I look back at what I wrote and think- ugh I shared too much or why did I say that???). I will be taking a break from posting for a while until we get back.

Are you struggling with something? That's a good thing. It means that God is trying to teach you something, bringing you to a new and better direction in your life. He has a plan for you.

Much Love!

Doing good...

2010-03-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

Had a few thoughts while sitting in church today. First, I really didn't want to go after all it is Sunday but I knew we were going to be gone for a few Sundays (going to OH and NC to see family) so I got everyone up and going. Summer and Adam really don't complain about going but they are not really enthusiastic about it either. That's OK . So I was sitting there thinking about what God wants us to do with our lives (pretty big thoughts eh?). Sometimes it can be overwhelming to think about how much we are given and how much we give back. Often I feel like I am not doing enough. That if I died today could I say I did enough with this life I was given? That can be overwhelming but I don't think it needs to be. Sometimes I think things I should be doing grander things like taking in an orphan, or teaching Sunday school every week, or committing myself to some cause but I really don't think our "work" here needs to be that big. I think that if we are contributing somehow in our own way that is good too. I think that the little things count: holding the door open for someone, taking the time to talk to someone who looks lonely, being a good role model to our children, letting someone else get the best parking spot (oooohhhh that's a hard one isn't it?), avoiding sin and temptations, doing one good deed a day, go out of your way for someone, cheering someone up, being a good listener, etc. Are these things doable? I think so. Sometimes it might put you out of your comfort zone, but those moments can often be the biggest blessings. It feels good to be nice- I mean really nice and people take notice. OK so sometimes people don't appreciate your kindness or take advantage of it but that's not the reason for doing it. It's easier to be nice here though because everyone is so friendly.

To say that we are excited about seeing family is an understatement. I am really looking forward to it. But, its gonna be weird for me in a way. This is the first time I have lived outside of OH for an extended period of time and I wonder how I will feel about it when I am there. Can you imagine living in a beautiful painting (well if you live here you know)? That's how our life is here. Doing mundane things like walking out of Target and seeing the most beautiful snow covered mountains. Or driving down the street and seeing horses or cows grazing. Yep that's life here and I LOVE IT.

I apologize for the lack of pictures recently. I guess its because of time limits but I will try harder!

God working in me

2010-03-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

Been very busy and tired lately but very excited for the things that are happening in my life. As usual, when I go to "volunteer" or "help" God reveals something to me (usually its me that needs the help!). We had our girl scout cookie booth sales this past weekend. I stepped up at the beginning of year to be the cookie chair (mostly because I did not want to be the leader). So after much drama of finding out that we could not sell at the original location (another test of faith- had to let God handle that one)we sat for 6 hours Sat. and 4 Sunday at the Home and Garden show at the fairgrounds. On Sunday I was feeling very tired and drained. The girls actually kept me going with their enthusiasm and cheerfulness. As I was sitting there, a young lady with disabilities approached me. She proceeded to explain that she was in Girl Scouts her whole life and she was told that she could not participate after she graduated. My heart sunk. As she was speaking I thought about this girl's life and how hard it must have been for her throughout school. I hoped in my heart that she had a good experience with GS and that she had a least one friend that stuck by her. As she was speaking her hand was clutching a big amount of change, pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. She put the money that she had on the table and said that she wanted to donate to the girls troop. My heart sunk even further. I wanted to do something, anything for this young lady who obviously had some big struggles in her life. I wanted to cry. The only thing I could do was talk to her and thank her.

God reveals so much to us if we just take the time to look. I think he sent this girl to me to make me wake up. Here she was giving everything she had. I cried last night when I thought about it. God has blessed me with SO MUCH and I am going around complaining (in my mind) about 10 lousy pounds? I am complaining (again in my mind) about how this business I am working on won't work and not focusing on HIM, the one that is limitless! Thank you God, for putting things in perspective for me. Once again, I set out to do good and God reveals something pure and good to me.

Update: we put an offer on a house that was accepted! I am now the official owner of my own business: Chickpea Cafe, LLC!

Eating continued...

2010-02-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well folks sorry I am still on the eating topic. I am thinking about how do I know that the changes I am making in my life will be successful? What if I continue to work hard at this (meaning eating the right things at the right time and exercising) and I don't lose a pound? Would I continue? I don't really know that answer. Part of me knows that eating right and exercising is just good for me and a stress reliever but the other part of me says wow thats a lot of hard work for what? Usually I continue on until a special occasion comes up, a trip, huge amounts of stress, etc and I go back to my stress eating. Then I gain right back what I lost and sometimes then some.

Here is something new I have learned to do. I picked up Bob Green's Book Are You Ready mostly because it was $6.00 and I just wanted someone to motivate me! I have been thinking a lot about that question -you know -are you ready? I always say I am but am I really? As I mentioned before I am at the point where I can stay where I am or I have to make some huge changes to get to the next point. The weight I am at is one I can maintain by watching what I eat but also indulging and working out a few days a week. Am I ready to take the next step? Am I ready to sacrifice time to work out more? Am I ready to not eat in the evening even though I am hungry? Am I willing to not even take that one bite of cookie knowing that it will lead to others? Maybe for now for a year or longer but how long will I be able to do that?

Bob said to really think while you are eating (especially when you know you are not hungry). Even if you go ahead and binge or eat something bad really think about what you are feeling. He says that our society is so busy that we don't even know what or why we are feeling a certain way- that we just stuff our feelings down and they surface in other ways(like overeating). So now I ask myself why am I wanting that, why am I eating this, etc. I really think it helps to get your mind in touch with your stomach. Thanks Bob.

Green Monster

2010-02-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

Maria asked me about the "Green Monster". Here is where I got it from. It's basically a smoothie with a base of spinach. OK I know it does not sound appealing but just give it a try- it might change your mornings forever!
http://greenmonstermovement.com/

Eating

2010-02-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

I don't know if ya'll care (what am I southern now?) about my eating habits but I feel the need to talk about it for whatever reason. You would think that by 36 years old I would have figured myself and my body out- although it does change with time. I keep "rediscovering" the same things about myself, come to same conclusions only to get right back into the same eating situations that I have been in the past 20 years. For example, I have been kind of stressing- I don't know if you really call it stressing- the past month about a few things. I guess you would call it feeling restless? Nervous? I have been putting a lot of thinking time into the business and of course I think about the same things over and over. I do become obsessive at times. I don't know if that's unusual. I think about the same minor details over and over- for example how to prepare a certain recipe, or what amount of a spice to put in something etc I could go on and on. I also have been obsessing over finding a more "permanent" place to live. I have spent a lot of time searching and thinking about this also. I keep praying for my focus to become less obsessive. Sooooo to get back to the topic- whenever I am thinking about something, something is unsettled, I tend to binge or overeat. I know and realize that I am doing it. I can't sit there and say I don't know what came over me! I do know- I get stressed and I want to eat. Yesterday I had a Moose Munch bar (I don't even REALLY like that), a meatball sub, and brownie (warm by the way) with ice cream and raspberry sauce. Uh I must say that last one was awesome! So instead of eating all that I could have really watched what I ate all day and enjoyed the stupid brownie. I don't feel good when I eat that amount of food. So I realize it and yet I still have not learned any coping mechanisms to deal with it. Life is always going to have stress so what can I do to deal with that stress better? Any suggestions?

I still have not found that healthy balance. Between being hungry and satisfied. I mean I have learned about myself that I cannot just have a "bite" of something. I mean gimmie the whole darn thing or I don't want it! Will I ever get there? That healthy balance? When I deprive myself I react with Overeaction. Well in case you are interested here is what I am doing because I know I cannot cut all carbs, but my body reacts severely to them. I gain weight by eating at night and evening. I have cravings at night and almost none during the day. I need to keep exercising consistently- like at least 3 days. I have been pretty good about that. I try not to do too much with that though, because I think in my mind I know I cannot keep up overly strenuous exercise so its a waste.

I usually wake up hungry- especially following this. In the morning to cut the edge I have a few cups of tea. Then usually a green monster or eggs.

Lunch- veggies, protein and my carbs. I am trying to avoid bread but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it so much :( I could probably do better by switching the carbs to the morning but I don't even want them and then at the end of the day I feel sorry for myself that I didn't have my carbs.

Usually banana or apple to cut the hunger

Dinner- protein and veggies. This is the HARDEST part of my day. I have HUGE cravings and hunger from 5:00PM and on. This is where I need to be restrictive and have willpower. Night is where the worst "damage" is done. Its so weird cause I will say OK I can eat that tomorrow and then the next day I don't even want it. My hardest rule to follow: not eating after 7:00pm.

Well, didn't mean to bore you all about myself. I wish I could hear about you too!

2 things I wanted to tell you...

2010-02-11T23:46:00.001-08:00

Here's what Adam said to me yesterday:
"I am so glad that boys don't have to wear bras, I think they would hurt their armpicks."

and completely unrelated...

This was part of today's devotional:

"The fruit of the Spirit is… joy." Joy is gladness of heart, an inner spiritual happiness that does not depend upon circumstances. It is a spiritual delight in the Lord that is always available, no matter what is happening around us. "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4).

I LOVE that its so true! You can find so much rest for your soul if you put your trust and circumstances in God's hands.

Little tiny brains...

2010-02-05T22:10:00.001-08:00

Well, Adam is slowly recovering from his tonsil removal this past Wed. He is the bravest little boy I have ever met (of course I am not biased at all). He did not cry once throughout the whole process except when they took the IV out. He knew exactly what was going to happen and was so brave! They told him to take the medicine to make him sleepy and not once did he complain. This time I did not have to go in to watch him be put to sleep which saved ME a lot of tears. The last 2 times I had to do that and I was bawling both times (of course after I left the room). The nurses said when he was waking up he had a smile on his face! He has been in heaven playing all his Wii games and DS games and playing with daddy's ipod. I usually have strict time limits on all that but not the past few days. He ate a sandwich today and did fine!

Taken a break this week with working on the business but I have set some deadlines for myself. I would like to have secured a commercial kitchen by the time I go to Cleveland. I found one that I really like and the lady there is very helpful. I have been working on some recipes and tweeking some things. I love pretty much everything I have made but that is different then marketing and selling food to others. So far the feedback I have gotten has been very positive from everyone I have talked to so we'll see what happens.

Started my Bible study last week and I think I am really going to like it. I forgot how nice it is to be involved in a study with women. All the women in my small group are much older than myself but I don't mind different perspectives, infact I enjoy hearing and talking to women who have life experiences and can share so much. I think we will all learn from each other.

Ali bought me a book on tape for Christmas that I wanted- it is Joel Osteen's new book. He has been listening to it driving to work and I can really see a difference in how this has influenced his thinking. You guys -if you have not heard him (Joel not Ali) on TV or read one of his books I HIGHLY recommend them. I don't care where you are in your life this will be the most uplifting words you have heard. Believe me I think God put Joel on TV many a time for us to listen to while Ali was laid off. We were sooo down and listening to him kept us both going. It changes your whole outlook. It was like he was speaking to US.

Oh so I bet you are wondering what the tiny little brains is about. So we went to Ali's boss' house last weekend and they were telling us about how their daughter had her tonsils removed by the same doctor and she asked if she could take her tonsils to school. I was like WHAT??? -I never heard of such a thing! They gave them to her in a little jar. We were laughing about it and I said I didn't think we would request that. So they wheeled Adam into the recovery room and we were all sitting around him, chit chatting and waiting for him to be able to go. All of a sudden Ali looks behind his bed and says "are those his tonsils?" I just started laughing because if you know him you know how he likes to play tricks- especially on me...so I was laughing and he said "No, really I think those are his tonsils!" I looked at the nurse and she said "Oh ya, can you believe how BIG they are?" So I looked behind the bed and sure enough there they were in a jar. I picked it up and of course Summer ran out of the room. Adam said "Wow- they look like tiny little brains". They did! Well, they were quickly put back where they were found and needless to say we did not bring them home!

Emotions

2010-01-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

Emotions are running high and low here.

The lows: Mom went home yesterday, which is OK because we will be coming to Cleveland in less than 2 months but the kids were crying this evening. I am especially concerned for Adam because I think he has a hard time expressing his feelings- its like he is feeling something but not sure what it is all about. He came downstairs crying and he said that he missed his old school. I know it has to have been very hard on him to leave everything he knew and I just took it all for granted because we love it here so much but the poor little guy is sitting here with me everyday running errands, playing while I workout or get some work done. I can only imagine the changes he has endured. He was in daycare and preschool full time the first 4 years of his life. Always something fun and interesting going on. I know he will be fine in Kindergarten and I am just holding onto the few months we get together before he is off to school. Wow, that just made me teary eyed. I want whats best for him but I also want him to be with me before he is rushing off to be with friends or play sports. I know that this is a new beginning for me. The kids being in school and starting a business but its so hard to let go. Now I really understand why women get that itch for a third- don't worry its not gonna happen!

The highs:
Today I was working out and I felt sooooo good. I was listening to my music and felt so pumped up so full of energy and ambition. I felt blessed and energized. I am trying to start up a food business. I am really excited about the prospects of what could happen with this company and I won't get too much into it right now but I am so excited about it. I haven't been this pumped up about anything in my career the past ten years. God has put so many wonderful blessings in my life (I know you probably get tired of hearing that but its true!) and the idea of this business is certainly one. I think its because I spent so many years STUCK with no where to move and go and now I feel so free to do what I really want to do- work for my family and not for someone else. I was thinking today how God can take something so impossible and completely change it or maybe He just changes how we look at it. Whether its our thoughts, the way we live, where we are going, who we surround ourselves with, what we are doing. Sometimes that doubt creeps up: noway would that work, but then I push past it and keep on going.

Summer's birthday party was great- I am so happy for her. She has made some really nice friends here. We are winding down (or maybe up?) the cookie sales. We have until Tues and she wants to sell more. Too bad I can't ship -eh?

Sorry...

2010-01-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

about the lack of posts this past week. It has been extremely busy and hectic here between my mom visiting, hockey, Girl Scouts, Summer's birthday celebrations (notice the plural), and working on the business. Tomorrow we having a party for her with 5 other girls at "Arts on Fire" where the girls can pick out a pottery piece and paint it. I am really looking forward to painting something too. I will update you more the next few days. Good night!

My workout -my weight

2010-01-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

I am so happy- today I went to the gym to workout- my usual half hour treadmill half hour stair climber- and I actually jogged. I gave up on jogging a year ago because I just did not have the time or energy to train for it. My legs can do it- I just lose my breath if I do not do it consistently. Since we moved here I feel like I lose my breath so easily I think because of the altitude. In fact I experienced asthma here for the first time in many years! I tried to run in Aug/Sept and I just couldn't do it so I told myself well walking is OK and it is but I just wanted an extra jolt today. I didn't feel like I was sweating enough so I jogged for a song, walked, and then jogged and walked for two more songs. Baby steps. The problem is that my face gets so red and I just sweat WAY too much for a normal person.

I am not giving up on my goals. I have been wanting to lose about 10 more pounds since I left Ohio. I lost about 5-6 before I left. I am at my stopping point. What that means to me is that I am at the weight that the only way I will lose more is if I seriously step up the excersicing and reduce the amount of fat and carbs I am consuming. I am never willing to completely cut anything out because that usually backfires. I go through waves of not really being hungry and forgetting to eat to revenous, starving mode. In the end it all balances and I don't really gain or lose. So now I am gonna try to step it up because I really enjoy getting out by myself and going to the gym. BTW this gym has a second floor of windows and I can stairclimb and look at the beautiful mountains. What a blessing.

What I am proud of...

2010-01-07T20:52:00.000-08:00

I am proud that:

My kids don't know who Lady Ga Ga is.

When we watch a movie and they hear a cuss word they have no idea what it is or that it is a bad word.

we all don't know what the top ten songs are this week.

Their favorite channel (including Summer) is Montana Kids PBS station. Shhhh don't tell her friends!

That we use an antenna to get that station! Unfortunetly we broke down and got Basic cable to watch the new seasons of 24 and Lost :(

I have no car payment.

My kids like going to the 1/2 off sale every Friday at the thrift store!

We pray together every night.

They look at other kids weirdly that are acting like savages.

Adam found 30 dollars on the floor and took his "girls" out to lunch.

Adam likes the "rules". Heaven forbid you are not following them!

I no longer NEED that Dooney and Bourke purse (although it would be nice to have :)

My biggest expense is boots.

That I am not ashamed of my faith.

What are you proud of??

Dreams

2010-01-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

Just watched the movie Julie and Julia. I really enjoyed watching this movie. It only reinforced to me the wondrous things that God can do in our lives. I think that what plans we have for ourselves are minuscule compared to what God has planned for us. We only need to get out of our own way. Does that make sense? Sometimes what planned or want is not what is best for us but we keep on pounding away at those things when maybe something else is waiting. I love the part of the movie when Julia is packing the book up to send off to the publishers and she says that she loves "those moments". You know the ones where anything can happen! I've had those: being pregnant, applying for a job, starting a new project. Nerve wracking but exhilarating because the world of possibilites is opened up! I think I am at that moment now. Where I have the privilege of going any direction I want in my life. The movie also made me think about how we can be given what seems like a bad situation and it is turned into something spectacular. Amazing.

Oh and I have a new years resolution for you: start your own blog! It's getting lonely out here in blog world.

Updates

2009-12-30T20:43:00.000-08:00

Ugh...I wanted to take Summer and Adam out to dinner tonight because Ali is at work and I just didn't want to spend another night alone making some boring dinner. After much deliberation with a 5 and 8 year old I decided to go to Weebees- this cute, hip restaurant right down the street (they also have a kids menu in addition to some healthy creative food). I can't stand restaurant chains! Soooo we drove over there walked in and of course she asked me if I had a reservation (excuse me a reservation on a Wed. night in Bozeman Mt?) I said no and she said its a 10 minute wait. No thanks! So off we went with Summer pleading to go to Old Chicago (ughh a chain) so I tried to convince otherwise to no avail. I ate an oriental chicken salad. I just checked the nutritional value online- 900 calories, 31 grams of fat, and get this 3300 grams of SODIUM!!! Are you even serious???? so I better get ready to be a giant over stuffed sausage tomorrow ready to pop. It'll take a day or two to deflate from that.

We had a very nice Christmas although we missed everyone. I was the "lady" of the house among a bunch of testosterone. Ali's friend came over along with my cuz Al. The big deal of the day was the Wii. It is so much fun. I take back all the bad things I said about video games. I really like it! I am going to have to post a video of Adam playing the boxing game by himself. It is hilarious!

Still working on my business idea. Hopefully I will get more things set in stone with it by the end of Jan and I will be ready to reveal... OOOOOOHHHHH... I know you can't sleep at night just wondering what it is! LOL

My New Favorite Song

2009-12-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

I have really been trying to make an effort to listen to music that has some value and meaning... but it's still fun to listen to nonsense once in a while. I never get tired of this song. I think we have all been "laying face down on the floor" at least once in our lives. (Mom at this point you press "play" the triangle in the middle :O)

New Brownie and Pagent News

2009-12-21T18:10:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

Here is Summer right after her "investiture" ceremony (investawhat?). She is now officially a Brownie! I had a tear in my eye thinking about when I was a brownie too and how my little girl is growing. Don't get me started about how I started crying when she showed me her school pictures. She looks like a preteen!

Remember the Church I was telling you about? Well, they had a children's Christmas pageant and we participated this last Sunday. Adam was the centurion and summer was my cute little sheep. It was wonderful seeing them participate. As the pastor said, it gets the story "in their bones".

Happy little centurions!!

Laundry Fun!

2009-12-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you how much fun I have been having doing laundry here! First off, only my mom knows (and possibly my sister) my "dirty" little secret: when I was living in OH I used to have piles upon piles of laundry sitting in my basement at a time. I am talking 5-10 loads at a time. Who would know right- out of sight out of mind. I was so busy I would do the laundry, fold it (sort of) and put in these bins- one for each of us. If I needed something I would dig through the bin. Many mornings at 6:30am I spent digging for matching socks or tights or whatever. The point being most of it never got to a drawer. Well, here I don't have a basement and the laundry room is right off the kitchen. So no more little secrets! All of my dirty laundry is out in the open for the world to see! The dryer does not dry and it takes about 1 hour to dry one load. So, today I go to open the washing machine to put it in the dryer and guess what my eyes see- about 100 dryer sheets floating around in my clothes along with about a million teeny tiny bits of cardboard. What the ???? so here is what I deduced- my box of 120 dryer sheets that I just bought fell into the wash at some point- because I am so aware of what is going on. So now my clothes smell REALLY good. :0)

Deep Thoughts by ...Jen

2009-12-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

I have to post this today. I heard this on the radio this morning:

"In the end I would rather be disliked for who I am, then liked for who I am not."

LOVE LOVE LOVE that! It's so hard in this world to be who you truly are. What God has made you to be. Often feeling like you need to conform to what is expected of you or what the "norm" is doing, saying, wearing, or acting like. How wonderful to know that God made us- he made as individuals. I feel that I have spent an awful big part of my life trying to "fit in" and conform to standards - who set those standards??? Honesty: my whole life I have tried hard to do and say the right things, but yet be tough. You know what- I am a nice person! There is nothing wrong with just being nice. What ever happened to that? I mean just being nice! This past year or two many walls have been torn down to reveal what is truly meaningful to me and my family. God tore us down to build us back up.

OK was that too deep? I just get tired of seeing so many women (especially in the city- sorry) with their head up high just because they dress, look, and act a certain way. Being here has made me realize how wonderful it is to strip yourself of what is only appearence and truly be who you are. I have met some amazing women here and they are who they are! Beautiful, unique, healthy, and smart. I love it.

OK more honesty- we as women tend to judge others, compare, and judge ourselves. I don't know if that's natural or what but its the truth. I spent time looking at other women and thinking why can't I be like that? skinny, strong, funny, smart, fashionable whatever. Recently I have taken a long look at myself and realized this is how God made me! Can improve upon it? Yes! Will I have bad hair and body image days? Yes, but unless plastic surgery is performed and bones are removed I will not ever be a size 2 or good at math. Does that mean I need to give up, be fat and lazy, and never try to figure how much a tip will be? No, but I need to just accept me and learn how I can improve that. OK sorry for all the deepness!

Adam's reenactment video

2009-12-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

Explanation: OK so you know the scene in Christmas Story when Ralphie daydreams that he came back home blind and it was because of soap poisoning?

Further explanation: this is a video. You have to press play (sorry mom).

New Pix

2009-12-09T09:47:00.000-08:00

This morning at Summer's Holiday Peformance. Let's just say Summer was in love with the dress :) You work it girl!!

Bein Silly (our $10 tree)

At the Holiday Stroll Brrrrrr..... It's Cold!

Good News

2009-12-07T23:10:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would you let you know what happened to me Sunday. If you have been reading my postings you know that I have been unsuccessfully searching for a new church here. I don't know about you but God gives me signs sometimes. All last week I got all of these hints here and there to KEEP ON LOOKING. I felt really motivated to go on Sunday. The past month or two I guess I had given up. I did not want to go another Sunday by myself to a church that I knew no one and that I didn't feel comfortable in. Well, I got up and told the kids that WE were going. They must know that tone in my voice (you know the one- like OK she really means business we are not going to waste our energy on fighting we will go) because they got dressed without too much drama, Ali went to work out and we were off in 0 degree weather to church. I turned back to what I knew- the United Methodist Church. If you are looking for a place to go just remember this: there is no perfect church! You will not find EVERYTHING you are looking for. But, if there are nice people and good programs for what you are interested in than just give it a chance. So we went (now I have been there I think twice before with no one coming up to me and talking to me). As soon as I walked in a lady with a big smile on her face greeted me and I started to ask her about the childrens program. She told me who to talk to so then we sat down. Then, out of no where this really nice lady came over, introduced herself (she was head of the children's ministry) and gave us a 20 minute tour of the classrooms and an explanation of what they do. WOW! Summer and Adam of course were shy and apprehensive so they did not want to go in that day- but it looked encouraging for next week. Then when we sat down Summer told me she wanted to go!! That was music to my ears. Not only that they have a women's bible study program starting in January! Have I finally found what I've been looking for? Sometimes if we let go of trying so hard to find what we want God will present it to you. It's amazing. Pray and be patient my friends.

So, Ali's friend has been here all week from OH and my cousin Al came up yesterday. They will be working on the ranch with him. I hope it all works out. You can't get a more beautiful and stress free place to work. It's just sooooo remote for them and so cold. It will be -39 tomorrow!! I feel like the mother hen worried about them. Well, they have no one else here except us!

Summer has her holiday program Wed that she is really excited about. She is in love with the dress she is wearing. I will post pictures. Oh ya and I bought a little used tree for 10 bucks. It's just right for us. I love the simple life!

What up here...

2009-12-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

The view driving up to the Bridger mountains. I told Ali "Stop the Car! I have to take a picture!"

My life is not perfect but this is as good as its ever been. I get to wake up everyday and chose what I want "us" to do. Today I got a free pass to the gym so I took Adam and I worked out while he played in their kids area. It has a huge climber with slides, balls to play in, etc so he loved it. Then, we went swimming together and let me tell you that was NICE. There was only one other person there and we sat in the hot tub and just had fun. Thinking about joining the family there.

I am still thinking about this business in my mind. I just haven't taken any steps to start it. I am honest- I am scared. Scared that I will start it , put all the effort heart and soul and then fail. So then I was watching the Biggest Loser Tues and the trainer said something that struck me- what if everyone went around saying I can't do it. Of course there are millions of reasons why we cant lose weight, go back to school, skydive, whatever, but what if everyone thought that way? There would be new business, no creativity, nothing new! I think my other problem I guess is that I am trying to live my life with God's will for me. I still struggle with this because its not like God is gonna come out of the sky and say "Yes, Jen you should start this business. I think its an excellent idea". Noway! I just think about my intentions: hopefully to help some people who can come and help me, to bring something to this town that it does not have, to get people to try something new and healthy. My intention is truly not to be a millionare, I just want to start something that will pay some bills. If it grows great, but I am not looking to do this to be rich. I also try to read God's word but I have to admit I have not been doing that everyday either. That helps me to get an idea of HOW I should be living.

OK well I am sure you are wondering what this business is. Not ready to reveal it yet. Not sure if I am ready to even seriously think about it. Not sure if this is what I want to do! In the meantime- it is really cold here... 0 degrees to the teens. It really beautiful though!

Turkey day

2009-11-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

Well not turkey day for us here in Montana! We decided to stuff a chicken, make shebzi (an arabic stew), my sweet potato casserole (primarily for me), mashed potatoes, salad, and hummus. What a hodgepodge isn't it? I really don't like turkey and it would be dumb to make it and throw most of it away. My neighbor is getting up at 4:00 am to start cooking his turkey and he said he would bring some over so maybe we will get a taste of turkey. Summer and Adam decided to make a Thanksgiving party for their stuffed animals and have it all planned out. They will be getting up at 9:00 to watch the parade and then have various activities planned.

I have been feeling a little down the last few days and I am not sure what it is. I know that I am missing having family around for the holidays. The first time ever I think in my whole life I will not be with some family. Please don't get me wrong we are so thankful to be here and I would not change a thing but its still a big change and hard. Beyond that I am feeling a little bummed about my weight loss/fitness progress. I am thinking of starting a weight loss/gain blog. More for myself to track progress and just to whine and complain. Don't know if anyone would be interested in that but I think it feels good to write. I know that I look better and my clothes are looser. I am phasing into a size 8 but I haven't bought or tried on a pair yet. I know that my 10s are getting ridiculously loose though. I was trying to remember the last time I was an 8. Maybe in college?

I think I am feeling a little lost with what I want to do with this new phase in my life. This is a perfect time for me to rethink my career and what I want to do. I know that I don't want to stay home forever although I am enjoying it now. Ali keeps encouraging me to use this time to really think about/and start working on what I want to do. Whether its go back to school, start a business, etc. The problem is I am not sure. I keep thinking about what my passions are. I LOVE to teach but I don't think I want to do that for the rest of my life. I am seriously thinking about a business. I have a few ideas floating around in my mind that I don't want to share yet until I am sure of what I want to do. It's amazing how our work defines who we are. I keep going around telling people that I taught for 10 years. That took up most of my life the past 10 years and who I was. That is not me right now. I still volunteer teaching a class at Summer's school but I am not defined as a "teacher" anymore.

So, I decided since I am feeling lost to make a "to do" list of things that I would like to work on. They are mostly related to volunteering and researching some business ideas. I prayed to God when Ali was out of work for Him to help us so that we can help others. So that's really important to me. I need a kick in the rear! Get up and go out there! Too bad I am so content to stay here in this cozy place :)

Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Have no idea what we are doing/making for Thanksgiving. None of us like Turkey but then I feel bad that I am not making a "traditional" meal. I might miss the gravy and mashed potatoes. Thinking about making a roaster chicken. We are not going anywhere or having anyone over. I was thinking about all of us volunteering but then time just passed and I didn't know if anyone wanted a five year old volunteering. Feeling a little down about it...

Adam's question

2009-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

Adam woke up this morning came downstairs and before I could even say good morning he asked me this question: would rather be happy or surprised? Cute! I said happy and he said don't you want to be surprised on your birthday? I said yes but I can only pick one! Then I asked him and he said - happy.

A wonderful trip

2009-11-20T18:35:00.000-08:00

Well, we made it back in one piece thank God! We went to bed last Wed. night with NOT A DROP of snow on the ground. Woke up Thurs morning to 12 inches of snow. Progressively throughout the day ANOTHER foot fell. Hamed called me and said r we going? I was like h### yes!! So we left when he got home at 2:00 and a few times we seriously considered going back. I kept getting updates on my phone for the weather of the next town ahead. It seemed like it was tapering off so we kept going. Thurs driving was fine but it ultimately took us 24 hours.

It was an unbelievable feeling being surrounded by family. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed being around family until I saw them! My auntie Carol and Uncle Tom always go out of their way to make sure we are comfortable and happy. (Thanks auntie!) She even made a list of things we like when we come- so nice. The memorial was so sweet. You could really feel all the love there. Nana touched so many with her love and sweetness. Everyone had a different thing to say in a different way. It was a perfect day seeing cousins and some family I never met.

The things that people said about Nana really got me thinking about how much of that generation will be lost. Just taking the time to cook the certain thing that one person enjoyed. Or putting out the guest soaps. How special are those things?

I am incredibly blessed to have such a loving family between my mom's, dad's, and Hamed's. Love you all so much. It made me sad when we left- but its bittersweet cause we love it here so much. I don't think we will be making that driving trip anytime soon though. The kids were sooooo good in the car but its rough for everyone. Still trying to catch up with wash!

Sorry

2009-11-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

We've been in Chicago since last Thurs. for Nana's funeral. Ali had my phone. Thank God. I will do a nice long post tomorrow. We just got home from driving for 2 days. Good night!

My life has stopped...

2009-11-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

I LOST MY PHONE!! I looked all morning and took Summer crying to school cause we were late. Then, I was late to an interview for a part time job in a preschool because I went back to look for it. I spent the last hour looking for it. I tried to call it from a neighboors phone but the battery must be dead cause it went straight to voicemail. I feel sick...all those numbers, Summer's school can't call me or Hamed cause his phone doesn't work on the ranch. UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

The Prayer of Jabez

2009-11-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

I had a small piece of paper with this prayer taped to my desk at work. I was just wondering if its still there? I couldn't imagine someone tearing off a prayer. I prayed this prayer everyday a few times a day:

Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause any pain.

I Chronicles 4:10

Liberation

2009-11-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

Liberate: to set free, as from oppression, confinement or foreign control.

Someone said something interesting to me the other day. It didn't strike me as interesting until I really thought about it later. I was standing and talking to one of the moms at school and telling them how happy I was able to come to Summer's school to volunteer because I am not working full time. I spent years agonizing over what days to take off to be with her and quite a few times I really wanted to, but just couldn't due to my teaching obligations. When I look back I did what I had to do. Anyway, she said "isn't that liberating?" I said "Yes, yes it is!" After I got home I thought about our conversation and the specific word she used "liberating". After thinking it over it struck me as an odd word choice because usually when a woman has the choice to work (like all women do in our country) that is considered liberating. Women in this country were liberated from a man's choice for us NOT to work. Women's liberation was a term first used in the 60s for women who were oppressed by society- oppressed by sexual abuse, domestic violence, equal pay, voting rights etc. I think that women were looking at their lives as stay at home moms and wondering if there was something more. Today I feel that it has gone to the extreme with women NOT having the choice to stay home even if they want to in order to support the family and/or lifestyle they are accustomed to. Could I have stayed home? Possibly, if we lived in a smaller home, didn't drive a car, and didn't mind not having nice clothes, furniture, and not putting my kids in any activities. I wasn't ready for all that sacrifice and for a while I really did enjoy teaching. There was a time after I had Summer that I WANTED to go back. I was overwhelmed with a colicky baby and life of sitting at home with no one to talk to all day. I remember really wanting to go back, but really feeling so sad leaving her. Thank goodness I had a saint of a sister in law who could take care of her. By the time I had Adam I was stressed out with having to leave at 7:00am and not seeing my kids or house until 4:00pm. The ideal situation would have been to work part time, but that was not an option at that point. I am holding onto the time I have with Adam until fall when he will start Kindergarten but I am currently looking at a part time job to pay off some of these bills.

It is liberating to stay home! It is liberating to not have to run out of the house at 7:00am not to see my kids until 8 hours later! It is liberating to be able to choose what I want to do with my son that day. It is liberating to be able to take my dog for a walk in the middle of the day! What would those women of the sixties say to that??

BALANCE. As I have gotten older I feel that one word is soooo important especially for women. Balance with diet, exercise, giving, receiving, doing, taking, working, and loving. Sometimes I catch myself on either end of the spectrum: not doing enough, or doing too much. At that point I say OK why am I here? Why did God put me here? To be a good mom, wife, teacher, friend, person. If I am not taking care of my basic needs how can I possibly take care of others? If I am out of shape and not feeling good am I living this life God gave me the best to my ability? The good thing is we don't have to do it alone. God is there to lift us up, keep us going, and wash our past sins away. I LOVE second chances. and third and fourth and fifth and .....

Post Halloween

2009-11-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I think I ate at least 10 pieces of candy today. I kept saying to myself that they were only bite size candy but add it all up its probably 600 extra calories.The kids took out my favorites for me: reeses peanut butter cups, reese sticks, Take 5, butterfingers. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I told Adam I am going to get up tomorrow morning and workout and he looked at me like "ya right mom".

Its been a whirlwind week with my mom visiting, Adam's birthday and Halloween festivities. Adam said this was the best birthday ever! I was worried when we came here that my kids would not have friends and would be lonely. Was I wrong- God blessed us again and again. My mom came Tues and we went to Summer's first Girl Scout meeting, Adam's hockey, and trick or treating in town, and Summer's Halloween party at school. OMG Adam was soooooooo cute skating I couldn't stand it!!! He is soooo determined to play! It was his third time on the ice. The last two times he couldn't skate an inch and this time he was scooting around with all his equipment on like a little penguin. He had this huge smile on his face. He was soooo happy! I will post some pictures. On his birthday Wed. me, Summer, Adam and my mom went to Chico hot springs. It was so cool to swim outside when there was snow on the ground! The water has no chemicals is heated from the earth. It was so relaxing for all of us. Then, my mom took us all out for dinner. It was such a beautiful day. We got Adam a hockey cake that he was so happy about. Yesterday we all went trick or treating with the family across the street and today Adam and Summer took two friends to an inflatable place to play. Adam was so proud taking his girls out (Summer and her friend, and Olivia his little friend across the street)- he paid with his birthday money. We also got him a bunk bed with his birthday money. Poor kid hasn't had a bed in year but he hasn't seemed to mind. It will be delivered Sat.

On the financial front I am being more and more motivated to save and budget money. The last month I have really overspent mostly on food. It is really more expensive here and I think my food expenses have doubled. I have made up my mind to try harder and maybe do without some things. We eat a lot of fruit and vegtables which are very expensive here maybe because of the location. I am determined to stick to a budget and not use my card. I have been shopping at some thrift stores which is kind of fun. Its like searching for treasure. There really isnt too much shopping here at all I mean for clothes which is good for me. I am focused on health and budget.

I can't describe how beautiful the mountains are here with the snow on them. They look even more beautiful and clear. I really enjoy all of my walks with Asia. I try to listen to music that praises God for all of this. We have so much to be thankful for.

My little hockey player!

Adam is the Bat

Memories...

2009-10-26T08:09:00.001-07:00

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I know that Facebook has gotten a bad rap but this time around using it I feel connected to my family that is so far away. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for Nana. She was a special person. I have so many fond memories of visiting her and grandpa Beck in Chicago. Even though we were not close location wise, I still felt close to her. The trips we made to Chicago each year were very special. I still remember going to her house (10303 Chaucer) as a child and every year I would ask them to drag out my mom's old Barbies. Every year my grandpa would dig into the depths of the basement to find the Barbies for me to play with. I would spend hours playing in the back bedroom. They would always comment how quiet we were playing for that length of time. It was peaceful there and safe. I was surrounded with people who loved and cared about me. Nana would always make a roast and creamed spinach or was it creamed corn? (at my sissy's request). I remember her cute Easter tree she had up every year with all the cute little Easter ornaments. I used to love the pretty lady figurine light she had in the bathroom. It was like a pretty nighlight. Isn't it funny how we remember the little things? I think that's a good lesson for parents. It's not about the big trips or spending money or the big toys, you remember the LITTLE things.

I remember one year my mom and dad flew me and my sister to Chicago by ourselves so that they could paint the garage, and probably just get some time themselves. I don't remember a lot about the trip. Everyone always jokes that my sister had a list of things ready to do when we got there. I dont'remember if it was the same trip but I cleary remember it was winter and dragging my Nana through a couple feet of snow to go to McDonalds (she didn't drive at the time). She got stuck a few times in the drifts!

I think the most special times spent with Nana were snuggled up in bed before we went sleep. I would ask her to tell us stories about when my mom was little. Me and my sister requested the same stories about 100 times. She told the same story over and over and it never got old. My favorite was the one where my mom thought she could bring the case of milk bottles up the stairs by herself and she ended up falling down the stairs with the milk. Doesn't sound like a great story- but Nana made it the best most exciting story ever. Or when my mom went ice skating with her friend against her parents wishes and she ended getting a huge gouge in her head. Oh, she told a good story!

I miss you and love you Nana. I am happy you are not in pain anymore.

We'll Miss you Nana

2009-10-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Nana passed on today. Thank you for all your prayers.

update

2009-10-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Hi guys. My computer is down so I might not be updating for a little while... it's all Adam's fault ;o)

Love,
Jen

Here's whats cute...

2009-10-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Adam has been really into playing UNO lately. He is actually getting really good at it. The CUTEST part of all is when he picks up a reverse, skip, or wild card and he starts chuckling to himself while looking at me (like he is hiding some huge secret). Then, the best part is when he goes to put the Draw 4 card down, he looks at me with the cutest expression and really starts chuckling to himself. I LOVE IT. It's just too darn cute.

Mommy can you take a picture of me flying?

2009-10-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

Ramblings...

2009-10-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

You know how you know that something is bad for you and you still do it? Why is that? Are humans just creatures of habit? I say I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do that but when it requires strength, sacrifice and discipline it falls to the side so easily. For example: reading the Bible. When I read it I know it's good for me. It is God's direct word for me to hear and learn. I am changed by it. But why is it such as struggle to actually sit down and read it? While I am on the subject, why is it so hard for me to actually read a book? Now that I am not working I was like woohoo now I can READ (something other than a People magazine). Last week I checked out a new book called "Even" forgot the author. I did a thorough search for the perfect book by walking by a table called "new" in the library and picking up the first thing I saw (after spending a half hour looking for books for my kids). OK so I get home and I actually read half of it. It was due today. I had no desire to finish it even though it was a good book. Why? Because it would actually take focus and concentration? Is that what my mush brain has come to? What will the state of my brain be in 20 years? Scarey. So no more goals of reading books anytime soon. I scooped up all the People magazines from the last 2 months and checked those out with my kids books today. Aaahhh laziness.

OK another example of not doing what I know is good for me: exercise. I know I already talked about made a list of why I didn't like it. I set so many goals for myself (workout 4 days a week, go the gym, blah blah blah) so you would think that after 20 or so years of setting workout goals and failing that I would have given up?? I still have hope for myself in this regard.

I think that it is good to add some discipline in my life. I think that it develops character and make you appreciate the little things. Like after a long day just enjoying a cup of tea. I love that. My best weight loss has been when I took the time to enjoy the little things: some raw veggies, a juicy orange, a sweet banana. Slow down and take the time to enjoy these little things instead of shoving a bean and cheese burrito into my mouth.

So, we've had a blizzard pass through here which has been a little depressing. We have really enjoyed the outdoors since we have been here. But I am told this will not last and next week it could be 80 degrees again. Since the cold weather I feel a little disconnected from others. Adam and I have been doing a lot together and I have been finding a lot of things to do but I miss having people around me that I know will always be there. Not having to plan a playdate to spend time with another adult. It is an adjustment for me- but I would not trade being here with anything (well maybe Hawaii- Ali applied there too). I'll post some cute pictures tomorrow.

Reasons I hate to workout/lose weight

2009-10-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

1. When you go there is ALWAYS someone better, faster, skinnier, than you working out next to you.
2. When trying to lose weight (I have been battling the same 10-15 pounds the past 15 years) you have NOT LIKE where you are this very moment. If you liked where you were why would you want to change it? That is hard. When you lose it you have to look back and say "yuck look where I was."When you gain it back you feel HORRIBLE!
3. I sweat waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too much for a normal person.
4. You can say OK I'm gonna go workout for an hour but it actually turns out to be three: getting ready, showering and getting ready when you are done.
5. Can I please just stay in bed????
6. I love food.
7. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, go out, can I please just have my food?
8. Going to bed hungry every night.
9. Comparing yourself to others. I have really tried working on this. I think its human nature especially for women.
10. Being TIRED.

I was on weight watchers for a while online but then I cancelled it and I found this FREE website which is basically the same thing: www.thedailyplate.com It takes a little while to enter in the food but I have found that it wakes me up to how many calories I am actually consuming.

Also, making vegetable soup has really helped me alot. I make the soup and it fills me up. This was from weight watchers also. I just cook broth with broccoli, carrots, onions, corn, and sometimes potatoes or sweet potatoes. On weight watchers (without the potatoes) it was zero points!

Reasons Why I Miss My Mom:

2009-10-05T15:39:00.001-07:00

1. All the times she actually sat down and played with my kids. I knew if I was cooking or cleaning or just needed a moment she would be there. Especially when I was working a running around like a crazy person she would be there to play with them.
2. My husband and I could actually go out and not have to worry if my kids are being good for a babysitter or if the babysitter is being good to my kids.
3. My mom feels sorry for me when I am sick.
4. Her coming over and just "doing stuff" like laundry, scouring the tub, sorting socks, wiping the floor etc etc etc
5. Always knowing I can make an apt. and not have to worry about who is taking the kids and when I can go.
6. Us talking about the same subject for an hour. Men can talk but not go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about 1 topic for hours...
7. Her saying "this is sooooo good" to whatever I cook compared to the "oh its OK" or no comment that I get now.
8. Having an emergency contact. Do you know when we got here I could not fill out the emergency form for Summer's school? That was the oddest feeling.
9. Her making a fuss over me.
10. I miss you mommy!! I just realized this is the longest time we have been apart ever since college!

Prayer Needed

2009-09-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Yesterday was my grandma- Nana's 96th birthday! Right now she is in hospice care and not doing so well. She fell and has broken bones that they cannot fix. She has a really bad bed sore that won't heal. She cannot get up or walk without pain. She is lying in bed in pain. Please pray for her and also for strength for my mom who is visiting and taking care of her everyday. I don't know how she is doing it.

Thanks and love,

Jen

Slide Show

2009-09-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

The first few pictures are of the Museum of the Rockies. The family of one of Summer's friends took us there. They had a pioneer day where they had a working farm and demonstrations. The rest of the pictures are from are our hike. Enjoy!

Hyalite Reservoir

2009-09-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Here is the place that our neighbors took us to a few weeks ago and my camera battery ran out (I am such a city girl taking pictures of EVERYTHING. I think Summer gets embarrassed because I am constantly taking pictures while "normal" people are just looking). We decided to come back and this time we brought Asia. We were thinking she would be scared once we got to the waterfall but she did great! She even scaled up the rocks up to the top! She navigated all by herself through some pretty big rocks. She was so happy when we came back down. It was like she knew she had accomplished something (well of course it helped when we kept saying good job Asia!). She was running around smiling and wagging her tail when we got back down. When I was taking pictures I was thinking wow that doesn't even look real!
OK I need to go make a slideshow cause there are too many pictures!

God working in my life...

2009-09-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

I am truly humbled by God's love and generosity in my life. We have been through so much these past few years. Lives pulled apart and mended together. Tests of friendship, family, and love. Much of the drama created by our decisions. We have learned a lot about our Faith and living by it. I have learned to let my worries go when it gets to a point of overwhelming my life. I literally close my eyes and imagine the worries flying up and away. When I go through a hard time I figure that God is trying to tell me or teach me something. If things don't work out the way I planned I figure that "it wasn't meant to be". If you have spent any time with me this past year you know that is my motto. I don't fight against what it isn't "flowing". We have truly realized the value of the material things- we were ready to let it all go-literally. God pulled us up once again. Why did I have so little faith? Day after day it was hard, not knowing what was going to happen tomorrow. But every time God pulled us through. Now I know we will go through hard times again, but I feel that our faith is strengthened. For the first time in our marriage we prayed together. We read the children's Bible together almost every night. My kids know the stories. We pray together every night. We still have a long way to go. My kids will be tried and tested but at least they will know what God's will is for them. I am sure they will stray but hopefully they will remember some of this. Besides its not my job to save my kids- God will do that- but at least I can teach them what I have learned. We prayed together every night for God to help us. And He did. Hopefully when my kids get older they will remember God's faithfulness during that hard time. Sometimes I worry if I am doing what I am supposed to be but I know in my heart God will lead me. I just let it go...into the atmosphere. I am so thankful we are here together and that I am blessed to be able to stay home.

Our Encounter With a Bear!

2009-09-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

OK so now we are real Montanians (is that a word?) Yesterday we (me, Adam, and Ali) were getting into our car that was parked in the garage. The garage door was open. Adam had already gotten into the backseat. I opened the driver side door to get in and out of the corner of my eye I saw a large furry figure walking by probably about 20 feet away in the street right infront of my car. At first my brain said it was just a dog (we have lots of those roaming) then I did a double take and it was a baby bear walking by! I quickly went into don't-panic-teacher-mode and very monotone and quietly said "there is bear" opened the door and got in. Ali said "what?" and got out his camera phone and walked out onto the driveway. I was too scared to get out! My heart started beating so fast! He said "pull out -it went in someone's backyard!" so he got in and we pulled out and drove one house away from ours and sure enough there he was! He stood up on his hind legs and jumped over someone's fence. It was awesome to see him stand up like that. We pulled around the corner and saw an older couple walking and talking so we stopped to ask them if we should call the police. They said someone had already called and they were tracking the bear. We left and went on with the day. Later, Ali called me and said that Summer's school called and he had to go into to sign her out because they weren't letting the kids walk or bike home because of the bear. We watched the news but we never heard what happened. The picture I attached is exactly what it looked like. Could you imagine getting in your car and seeing a bear walking down the street!? Could you imagine sitting in your backyard and a bear climbing over the fence!?

An explanation of why some old people are crabby

2009-09-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Notice I said "some". OK here is what I figured out. Since I have not been working I have had LOTS of time to observe people. When we go out I am not rushing around to meet deadlines and finish shopping so I've had plenty of time to watch people. This is the exact same scenario as some old people right? (By the way I love all old people I am not racist against old people in fact I have lived in 2 neighborhoods with old people and I have always said they are the best neighbors) Now some old people observe and do not get agitated so much. I have been agitated by some behavior of people ONLY because I have had the time to watch, absorb, and process information (in comparison to running around with a chicken-with-her-head-cut-off trying to meet deadlines at work, school, with kids, errands, and just all around keeping the house running while trying to be skinny, funny, pleasant, healthy, the best wife all at the same time- you know just the average american mom). Anyway- what I have observed is disturbing to say the least:

Parenting styles: OK so here is what I observed at the library. A little baby crawling over to Adam. Another boy (whose mom is sitting RIGHT there) scootching over and bopping the baby on the head. The mom not saying anything and watching. The mom of the baby scooping her up and walking away quickly. Then, the sister of the brother aforementioned coming over and taking over Adam's toy. The mom not saying anything again. I know there are different parenting styles but does that mean you cannot teach your child manners?? I don't get it.

Dog owner styles: I cannot tell you how many times I have talked to moms about the fact that so many people here just let their dogs roam unleashed. This is a HUGE dog town. If you really cared about animals wouldn't you want them in the safest environment? Isn't the safest environment for a dog ON A LEASH? OK so you trust your dog but you do not want the dog to run away, get hit by a car, or attacked by another dog or animal. So, we had a dog wander into our yard and let me just say that Asia WILL ATTACK another dog that comes into our yard if I am not there. So this dog wanders over and the owner tells me that Asia was being aggressive to her dog but OK why is your dog wandering all over the neighborhood? Isn't that your fault? Another time we (me and Aisa) were walking and a dog wanders over to her. She gets into her self-defense mode (she has issues OK there is nothing we can do but love her) and I am holding her down. The owner who is about 500 feet away calls her dog who is not responding. Meanwhile my ipod falls off into the dirt, I am restraining my dog, and the other dog won't go away. Finally for what seemed like forever (after I am struggling, lost my ipod, all dirty) the dog leaves. Is this my fault?

Sorry just had to vent :0)

So my point is when you have time to watch people you can get annoyed.

Today's devotional

2009-09-11T07:40:00.001-07:00

"In your spirit, as well as in your aim, you should differ from the world."

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

I love this: it's OK to be different. In fact, that's what God wants us to do! Isn't this what we want to teach our kids?

Life update and thoughts

2009-09-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well, we are starting to settle into a routine here which is great for me. That's what we all needed. Summer likes her school and the girls seem to be very nice and not clicky (my biggest worry). I think it helps that this is a brand new school and everyone just started although a lot of these kids knew each other from other schools. Adam is going to a preschool program twice a week for an hour just to get out of the house. I will post him being on TV if you did not get the email. We are also going to story hour at the library and the biggest news is that I signed him up for ice hockey. He is bursting at the seams to get out there! He can't wait. We went to Play It Again Sports and boughts some used skates and stick and he will be renting the equipment which is nice because its a pretty big investment and I would like him just to try it. I am a little weary about the amount of injury involved in this sport- but they are peewee's right? I decided at the moment not to put him a preschool program mostly because of the cost and I can work with him at home but I think he was ready for kindergarten already and I don't want him to get too far ahead because then he'll be bored when he gets there. Because of this we are searching out for friends to play with and this week there doesn't seem to be a loss of that. Summer made a friend across the street and her sister is the same age as Adam. Also, there is a little boy across the street who is a little younger but they play nicely together. This brings me to my next subject....friends....

If you read my previous post I was writing about my lack of pursuing friendships. God must have read my blog because moms have been literally throwing phone numbers at me! It is so funny how I just posted about that and I have had several moms really make an effort and extend themselves to me. It is incredible how God works and can read our hearts. Now its just up to me to pursue it. We got together over labor day with another family in the neighborhood and they took us to a place where there is a short hiking trail. EVERY DAY I thank God for sending us here and showing us so much beauty. This hike was 15 minutes and we saw the most beautiful waterfall and driving back we saw a beautiful lake surrounded by trees. Darnit my battery went dead in my camera or I would have posted pictures. Whenever I take walks with Asia I am overwhelmed with the beauty. Someone at Ali's work told him that God was here....that is so true. There is something spiritual about being so close to the awesome beauty and wonder. Sometimes I get in my car and I am in my own little world and then I get around the corner and see those awesome mountains and then I say Oh ya I am here! This morning me and Adam said "Good morning mountains!"

I signed up for a moms group which will completely take me out of my comfort zone. Again those reaching out issues... but I figured I have to do it for Adam too. If I don't like the people then who says I have to stick with it right? I am also thinking about going to a Bible Study Fellowship for women. I guess this is a national group and they meet once a week here for Bible study class. Does anyone know anything about this? Two people mentioned it to me so I thought I would check it out. It disturbed me when I googled it and "Bible Study Fellowship Cult" popped up but then with further reading I did not see anything alarming. I also went to my first "PAC" meeting tonight - its the parent teacher group. It was OK- I think I will help out at the fall carnival. It was a little weird cause I was the only one who brought kids (Ali was working) out of about 15 people but they were good. I was feeling a little sad today because my phone was SILENT.

Where's that hot dog lady????

2009-09-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

My mom is known as the "hot dog lady" (I bet you can guess why) because every time she comes to see us she would give Asia a hot dog. This made my mom a very popular lady with Asia. She (dog not my mom) has been moping around. At first I thought it was just the big change or maybe because I don't give her a lot of "treats" but now I think she really misses that HDL! I know I do!

Some thoughts from a new stay at home mom

2009-09-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

Right now Adam is watching some show where the cars talk so I thought I would take a moment to write some thoughts. This is the first year in ten years (besides maternity leave) that I have not been working. Here I am with my dream come true and I am worried that a) am I putting enough effort into reaching out to people? I tend to stay in my "nest". I like to be in my own world. I don't like extending myself socially. I like to be around people, I like meeting new people, and I like to talk to people. I like to be friendly and volunteer but I guess I don't know how to build ongoing social relationships with people. I meet people and have a lot to talk about but then when it comes to the next step (making phone calls, inviting people over etc) I just stop. I guess I am so happy just to be with my family but I know that is not healthy. We are starting to volunteer at the shelter and I know I will get involved with the Parent teacher group. It makes me nervous when I have to involve other people with our schedule. Is that weird?

I am also worried about b) am I structuring Adam's day the right way? I guess that will get better when he starts a preschool (which I have not been successful with finding one yet). Right now we get up, take Summer to school, come back clean up, make breakfast, clean up, he gets on one of his computer programs, watches PBS, plays, I clean do laundry etc. by that time its 12:30-1:00. Then we run errands and its time to pick up Summer. Somewhere in there we read, do some learning activities, bike or walk. Is there a "right" way to be a stay at home mom?

Some new pictures:

2009-08-30T18:55:00.000-07:00

This is the cottage on the ranch that Ali (Hamed) stayed in for a month while he was waiting for us:

This is the park that is right around the corner of our condo. It is so beautiful- it has a pond, creek and bridges.

The view from our deck:

Summer's First Day of School...and second first day of school

2009-08-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

When we arrived in Bozeman the first thing we did was register Summer for school. I heard that in previous years the school district basically had a lottery and parents chose where their kids attended. The last two years (thankfully) they have switched back to assigning kids by location. The day I went to register her they told me that she could not go to the brand-new-never-been used-one-block-away school because it was full but they would put her on a waiting list and there was a good chance that she could switch. My thinking was noway would I switch her cause this kid has been through so much already so off she went the first day to the nice-but-10-minute-drive school. We met and loved her teacher, she made a new best friend instantly, and things were great until....the third day of school guess who called me? The district had an opening at the nearby brand new school. I went to pick up Summer and I had one hour to make a decision. When I picked her she was standing with her new BFF and the girl (her friend) looked like she was going to cry. I felt terrible but I left it up to Summer. We got into the car and prayed about it. We went over to the new school, met her teacher, saw the school, and it was 4:25. I had to call by 4:30! Summer looked at me and said she wanted to go there (I think the biggest reason being that we could walk/bike to school). I called the lady at registration and she already knew I was there (remember its a small town). I started laughing and told the secretary this really must be a small town! So, she made another BFF at her new school and now she has two new friends! You know I always think EVERYTHING happens for a reason and I think the reason that all happened was so that Summer could meet her new friend. She is such a nice girl and we ended up getting together with her family this past weekend. So it all worked out.

Summer's First Day

Summer's First Day-Part Deuce

Life Here...

2009-08-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

So I have been here almost 2 weeks and here is what I have noticed:

People are always smiling and laughing here. I am serious when I say I don't think I have smiled this much in the past year. I am really serious when I say that I don't think I have so many people smiling all the time. People are just HAPPY here. So comfortable.

I have never seen so many skinny in shape people in my life!

People are very eco/health conscious if that's what you call it. How do people afford all this organic food?

Still have not found a discount food store...still looking... I miss Marc's (never thought I would say that).

Ok the biggest difference I have noticed is the weather: it has been sunny everyday except maybe one. If you know me you know that I am not the biggest outdoorsy type but I want to be outside all the time here. You can see these cool rain clouds but it doesn't mean it is going to rain. It just means it raining in another spot and it might not even get to where you are. If it does rain it's for 20 minutes and half the sky is still sunny. The nights and mornings are cool and the days are warm.

Oh and yesterday we were watching the news and the weatherman said there was a storm coming from the Pacific...the Pacific??? Oh ya we are closer to the Pacific!

Aug. 24th

2009-08-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

I applied for a part time job today, took Summer to see her new school, and took Adam to a preschool to check out. New beginnings! Summer starts school Wed. and she is really looking forward to it. I thought she would be apprehensive but she is really excited. I think my kids are ready to meet new people. I am so proud of them.

My thoughts on Church

2009-08-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

So, today I decided to try going to a Church here in Bozeman. Here are my thoughts. First, I was thinking OK Church is great. You meet people. You can serve on ministries while helping people. The kids can meet kids. The kids will learn about God (in addition to what I am teaching them). But then I thought wait, isn't that selfish? Shouldn't the whole reason why I go to church be to worship God and meditate on scripture? Shouldn't I be going to give God all the glory and to demonstrate to the world that God and worship is important to me? I mean that just shows my humanness. To turn the most holy thing that I can do all week into self serving reasons. So, I went to church (by myself- that's another story) thinking you know what even if no one talks to me, even if I don't feel comfortable, even if I really don't like the church I am dedicating one hour of my whole entire week to worshipping God. So, I went. It was OK. I didn't talk to anyone. I sat and watched a family in front of me. The mom was doting all over her kids which made me think about do I do that enough with my own kids (loving them up, kissing, and hugging)? Also, instead of the pastor speaking today a few teens that grew up in the Church got up and spoke about what it meant to them. It only reinforced the importance to me for my kids to go. Church is counter-culture to our society. I want my kids to have a place where they can go and just be themselves. and be with other kids that share those same values. They don't have to say or do the "right things". They don't have to fit in. That is the point. God wants us to be peculiar and different. Sometimes I forget that. I am very self conscious at this point because I really have no friends here. I feel I have to make a good impression. No, I don't. God will lead me to who I need to meet and where I need to go.

I had the opportunity to serve at the Vacation Bible School at our church before we left. It was a wonderful experience for me. As always, when I go to help to do something for others, I always am the one that gets blessed. I get determined to "help" when I am the one that needs to be helped. Here is what that experience showed me: God's love. I got emotional when I saw all of those kids singing and dancing about God each day. I thought why couldn't it be like this everyday? Why couldn't everyone start the day with a little singing and dancing for God? Why did it have to be during this particular week? So, I have made the effort of weening myself from popular music and I literally force myself to listen to Christian music. Some of it is the most beautiful music I have ever heard and some I have to turn off because of the annoyance.

I wondered why I had met such wonderful people at VBS and felt so much at home there only to leave? I feel that was God's way of showing me how important church is to mine and my children's life.

Now, if I can only find a Church I like and if I can get my kids to go...

Mitchell Corn Palace

2009-08-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that Mitchell Corn Palace, one of "America's Destinations" and completly decorated with corn does not sell corn!? I was so disappointed. We walked in and I searched the vending area but NO CORN. I was such in the mood for corn. Oh ya, they had popcorn but it was probably Orville Redinwhatever. I told my friend Jill and she said you would think they would have creamed corn, corn casserole, baked corn, roasted corn, corn cakes, corn whatever! Nope no corn at the corn palace. (We still had fun though being that was our first stop after 18 hours of being in the car).

Pictures!!

2009-08-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Our Journey

2009-08-21T22:37:00.001-07:00

Make a Smilebox photobook

Hi from my new home in Montana!

2009-08-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

Well here I am sitting in my new home in Bozeman. Sorry for the delay but somewhere along day 2 I lost or realized that I previously lost the power cord for my laptop. We just got Internet today. Yay! I felt so disconnected from the world. I don't watch TV too much so the computer is my outlet to the rest of the world. Anyway, we had a great trip! The kids were great (not too much complaining) and the dog slept the whole way, and we didn't drive grandma too nuts! I will post some pictures from our journey. We started off driving to Wisconsin, day 2 to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Day 3 to Rapid City, South Dakota where we stopped to see Mitchell Corn Palace, Wall Drug (google it- it's a long story), and Mount Rushmore. Day 4 we drove to Bozeman, Montana where we got to see Daddy after a month and our new home. I can honestly say this the most beautiful place I have had the honor of seeing. I still have to pinch myself to make sure this is for real. So far we have been exploring the area- we swam at the hot springs (all naturally mountain heated, no chlorine water), and horseback riding! The weather has been so sunny and perfect! Just a cool breeze. I just realized how cloudy Cleveland is! We really love it here but we really truly miss everyone. I wish you could all be here.

Dear God,

2009-08-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

I GET to live HERE???????? Thank you for the blessing.

Jen