Turkey day

Well not turkey day for us here in Montana! We decided to stuff a chicken, make shebzi (an arabic stew), my sweet potato casserole (primarily for me), mashed potatoes, salad, and hummus. What a hodgepodge isn't it? I really don't like turkey and it would be dumb to make it and throw most of it away. My neighbor is getting up at 4:00 am to start cooking his turkey and he said he would bring some over so maybe we will get a taste of turkey. Summer and Adam decided to make a Thanksgiving party for their stuffed animals and have it all planned out. They will be getting up at 9:00 to watch the parade and then have various activities planned.

I have been feeling a little down the last few days and I am not sure what it is. I know that I am missing having family around for the holidays. The first time ever I think in my whole life I will not be with some family. Please don't get me wrong we are so thankful to be here and I would not change a thing but its still a big change and hard. Beyond that I am feeling a little bummed about my weight loss/fitness progress. I am thinking of starting a weight loss/gain blog. More for myself to track progress and just to whine and complain. Don't know if anyone would be interested in that but I think it feels good to write. I know that I look better and my clothes are looser. I am phasing into a size 8 but I haven't bought or tried on a pair yet. I know that my 10s are getting ridiculously loose though. I was trying to remember the last time I was an 8. Maybe in college?

I think I am feeling a little lost with what I want to do with this new phase in my life. This is a perfect time for me to rethink my career and what I want to do. I know that I don't want to stay home forever although I am enjoying it now. Ali keeps encouraging me to use this time to really think about/and start working on what I want to do. Whether its go back to school, start a business, etc. The problem is I am not sure. I keep thinking about what my passions are. I LOVE to teach but I don't think I want to do that for the rest of my life. I am seriously thinking about a business. I have a few ideas floating around in my mind that I don't want to share yet until I am sure of what I want to do. It's amazing how our work defines who we are. I keep going around telling people that I taught for 10 years. That took up most of my life the past 10 years and who I was. That is not me right now. I still volunteer teaching a class at Summer's school but I am not defined as a "teacher" anymore.

So, I decided since I am feeling lost to make a "to do" list of things that I would like to work on. They are mostly related to volunteering and researching some business ideas. I prayed to God when Ali was out of work for Him to help us so that we can help others. So that's really important to me. I need a kick in the rear! Get up and go out there! Too bad I am so content to stay here in this cozy place :)

Thanksgiving

Have no idea what we are doing/making for Thanksgiving. None of us like Turkey but then I feel bad that I am not making a "traditional" meal. I might miss the gravy and mashed potatoes. Thinking about making a roaster chicken. We are not going anywhere or having anyone over. I was thinking about all of us volunteering but then time just passed and I didn't know if anyone wanted a five year old volunteering. Feeling a little down about it...

Adam's question

Adam woke up this morning came downstairs and before I could even say good morning he asked me this question: would rather be happy or surprised? Cute! I said happy and he said don't you want to be surprised on your birthday? I said yes but I can only pick one! Then I asked him and he said - happy.

A wonderful trip

Well, we made it back in one piece thank God! We went to bed last Wed. night with NOT A DROP of snow on the ground. Woke up Thurs morning to 12 inches of snow. Progressively throughout the day ANOTHER foot fell. Hamed called me and said r we going? I was like h### yes!! So we left when he got home at 2:00 and a few times we seriously considered going back. I kept getting updates on my phone for the weather of the next town ahead. It seemed like it was tapering off so we kept going. Thurs driving was fine but it ultimately took us 24 hours.

It was an unbelievable feeling being surrounded by family. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed being around family until I saw them! My auntie Carol and Uncle Tom always go out of their way to make sure we are comfortable and happy. (Thanks auntie!) She even made a list of things we like when we come- so nice. The memorial was so sweet. You could really feel all the love there. Nana touched so many with her love and sweetness. Everyone had a different thing to say in a different way. It was a perfect day seeing cousins and some family I never met.

The things that people said about Nana really got me thinking about how much of that generation will be lost. Just taking the time to cook the certain thing that one person enjoyed. Or putting out the guest soaps. How special are those things?

I am incredibly blessed to have such a loving family between my mom's, dad's, and Hamed's. Love you all so much. It made me sad when we left- but its bittersweet cause we love it here so much. I don't think we will be making that driving trip anytime soon though. The kids were sooooo good in the car but its rough for everyone. Still trying to catch up with wash!

Sorry

We've been in Chicago since last Thurs. for Nana's funeral. Ali had my phone. Thank God. I will do a nice long post tomorrow. We just got home from driving for 2 days. Good night!

My life has stopped...

I LOST MY PHONE!! I looked all morning and took Summer crying to school cause we were late. Then, I was late to an interview for a part time job in a preschool because I went back to look for it. I spent the last hour looking for it. I tried to call it from a neighboors phone but the battery must be dead cause it went straight to voicemail. I feel sick...all those numbers, Summer's school can't call me or Hamed cause his phone doesn't work on the ranch. UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

The Prayer of Jabez

I had a small piece of paper with this prayer taped to my desk at work. I was just wondering if its still there? I couldn't imagine someone tearing off a prayer. I prayed this prayer everyday a few times a day:

Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause any pain.

I Chronicles 4:10

Liberation

Liberate: to set free, as from oppression, confinement or foreign control.


Someone said something interesting to me the other day. It didn't strike me as interesting until I really thought about it later. I was standing and talking to one of the moms at school and telling them how happy I was able to come to Summer's school to volunteer because I am not working full time. I spent years agonizing over what days to take off to be with her and quite a few times I really wanted to, but just couldn't due to my teaching obligations. When I look back I did what I had to do. Anyway, she said "isn't that liberating?" I said "Yes, yes it is!" After I got home I thought about our conversation and the specific word she used "liberating". After thinking it over it struck me as an odd word choice because usually when a woman has the choice to work (like all women do in our country) that is considered liberating. Women in this country were liberated from a man's choice for us NOT to work. Women's liberation was a term first used in the 60s for women who were oppressed by society- oppressed by sexual abuse, domestic violence, equal pay, voting rights etc. I think that women were looking at their lives as stay at home moms and wondering if there was something more. Today I feel that it has gone to the extreme with women NOT having the choice to stay home even if they want to in order to support the family and/or lifestyle they are accustomed to. Could I have stayed home? Possibly, if we lived in a smaller home, didn't drive a car, and didn't mind not having nice clothes, furniture, and not putting my kids in any activities. I wasn't ready for all that sacrifice and for a while I really did enjoy teaching. There was a time after I had Summer that I WANTED to go back. I was overwhelmed with a colicky baby and life of sitting at home with no one to talk to all day. I remember really wanting to go back, but really feeling so sad leaving her. Thank goodness I had a saint of a sister in law who could take care of her. By the time I had Adam I was stressed out with having to leave at 7:00am and not seeing my kids or house until 4:00pm. The ideal situation would have been to work part time, but that was not an option at that point. I am holding onto the time I have with Adam until fall when he will start Kindergarten but I am currently looking at a part time job to pay off some of these bills.

It is liberating to stay home! It is liberating to not have to run out of the house at 7:00am not to see my kids until 8 hours later! It is liberating to be able to choose what I want to do with my son that day. It is liberating to be able to take my dog for a walk in the middle of the day! What would those women of the sixties say to that??

BALANCE. As I have gotten older I feel that one word is soooo important especially for women. Balance with diet, exercise, giving, receiving, doing, taking, working, and loving. Sometimes I catch myself on either end of the spectrum: not doing enough, or doing too much. At that point I say OK why am I here? Why did God put me here? To be a good mom, wife, teacher, friend, person. If I am not taking care of my basic needs how can I possibly take care of others? If I am out of shape and not feeling good am I living this life God gave me the best to my ability? The good thing is we don't have to do it alone. God is there to lift us up, keep us going, and wash our past sins away. I LOVE second chances. and third and fourth and fifth and .....

Post Halloween

Well, I think I ate at least 10 pieces of candy today. I kept saying to myself that they were only bite size candy but add it all up its probably 600 extra calories.The kids took out my favorites for me: reeses peanut butter cups, reese sticks, Take 5, butterfingers. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I told Adam I am going to get up tomorrow morning and workout and he looked at me like "ya right mom".

Its been a whirlwind week with my mom visiting, Adam's birthday and Halloween festivities. Adam said this was the best birthday ever! I was worried when we came here that my kids would not have friends and would be lonely. Was I wrong- God blessed us again and again. My mom came Tues and we went to Summer's first Girl Scout meeting, Adam's hockey, and trick or treating in town, and Summer's Halloween party at school. OMG Adam was soooooooo cute skating I couldn't stand it!!! He is soooo determined to play! It was his third time on the ice. The last two times he couldn't skate an inch and this time he was scooting around with all his equipment on like a little penguin. He had this huge smile on his face. He was soooo happy! I will post some pictures. On his birthday Wed. me, Summer, Adam and my mom went to Chico hot springs. It was so cool to swim outside when there was snow on the ground! The water has no chemicals is heated from the earth. It was so relaxing for all of us. Then, my mom took us all out for dinner. It was such a beautiful day. We got Adam a hockey cake that he was so happy about. Yesterday we all went trick or treating with the family across the street and today Adam and Summer took two friends to an inflatable place to play. Adam was so proud taking his girls out (Summer and her friend, and Olivia his little friend across the street)- he paid with his birthday money. We also got him a bunk bed with his birthday money. Poor kid hasn't had a bed in year but he hasn't seemed to mind. It will be delivered Sat.

On the financial front I am being more and more motivated to save and budget money. The last month I have really overspent mostly on food. It is really more expensive here and I think my food expenses have doubled. I have made up my mind to try harder and maybe do without some things. We eat a lot of fruit and vegtables which are very expensive here maybe because of the location. I am determined to stick to a budget and not use my card. I have been shopping at some thrift stores which is kind of fun. Its like searching for treasure. There really isnt too much shopping here at all I mean for clothes which is good for me. I am focused on health and budget.

I can't describe how beautiful the mountains are here with the snow on them. They look even more beautiful and clear. I really enjoy all of my walks with Asia. I try to listen to music that praises God for all of this. We have so much to be thankful for.

My little hockey player!

Adam is the Bat